Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Over Sensitive Ass

I so wish I was one of those people that could just brush shit off. I'm very sensitive and take everything personal. Here's a great article that talks about habits of highly sensitive people. This article explains me better than I could probably explain myself.

Being emotionally reactive is definitely something I don't like about myself. I can go from 1 to 100 in an instant all while telling myself it's not that serious. Telling myself to calm down, to not take things personally, and asking why I am so sensitive does not help at all. Deep breaths, Rachel.

I like to think that I am good at reading people. I definitely don't give respect to many and I adore few. I wish I would have kept a journal over the years where I work of all the times my requests or questions went unanswered. I would and still do to this day get physically upset at my emails going unanswered. I cannot handle being ignored. I am not talking about maybe a day or two. I'm talking unanswered forever. This caused me to lose respect for some (among other reasons). What's that quote - "It's not the job that people leave, it's the management." I have worked at 5 law firms and I can honestly say that I left 2 of those law firms because of management.

I could give a million examples of shit that has gone on, but what prompted this blog was the issue of our Christmas party. Over the years, we have gone out for our Christmas party. We have also had a Christmas party here at the office. The last couple of years, I was not able to go because I worked a second job. The one year, the party started at 8:00. I got off work at 8:00 and was not going to go to a party after working 12.5 hours. Last year, the party was on a night I worked as well. I thought it was odd that an office our size (three support staff and three attorneys) never coordinated a date for the party. But, I have to say, I didn't mind having to work. Life is too short to spend an evening with people who you just don't enjoy their company.

I thought it was odd that it's the second week in December and an email has not been sent yet about the Christmas party. I thought I had heard that one of the attorneys was going out of town, so I presumed that we wouldn't be having a party. However, I thought it would be common fucking courtesy that an email be sent explaining that because this attorney was going out of town (or for whatever reason), the office was not having a Christmas party this year. Like I said before, I've been here 6 years and there's always been a party.  Well today, I got my "courtesy" email. I was told that the receptionist would be taken to lunch and it would be ideal for me to grab the phones for a half hour and listen for clients. This email was sent less than 3 hours before this lunch was going to happen. Naturally, if I wasn't able to help out, the phones would be shut off and the office locked. After 6 years, this is how the Christmas party is going to play out? Mmm. OK.

I realize my attitude towards people at work is pretty shitty. It's warranted I feel. I've distanced myself from the others in this office due to them caring about themselves only and due to people not being mindful of others around them. You ever see those movies where a kid is bullied, but the teachers never see it? Then, in the middle of the hallway one day, the bullied snaps and hauls off and kicks the bully's ass? Of course every teacher, counselor, and even the principal see it. That's how I feel. I'm treated like shit and yet when I lose my cool (or refuse to be a team player) because as stated above, I'm highly sensitive and take shit too personally, then I look like the crazy one losing my shit.

Any tools you use for not letting things get to you? How do you cope with not being able to brush things off? Or, how are you able to brush things off? I'm open to suggestions.

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