Last night, I was watching The Holiday on Lifetime. There was a preview for a new movie with Meagan Goode. In the preview they said, "no one knows why love picks some people and not others." Uh, thanks, Lifetime. If that's not the most depressing thing I've heard.
Do I think that perhaps love is not in the cards for me? Absolutely. I think it often. I don't need to hear that love will find me when it's supposed to. Or, it'll happen when I least expect it. That's shit people say to make others feel better. It's like saying "everything happens for a reason" when something shitty happens. Those words might have worked when I was in my first year or two of being single. Not when I'm in my 11th year of being single. (No. I'm not exaggerating on the 11 years.)
You know those movies where the guy and girl fall in love and then one of them dies? It's the couples that have the greatest love, or they just met after years of searching. The first movie that comes to mind is A Walk to Remember. Mandy Moore and Chad Michael Murray (no relation to me) go to high school together. Mandy is the nerd and Chad is the popular guy. They end up falling in love all while Mandy knows she's dying of cancer. Once Chad finds out, he stays with her to the end. In fact, they end up getting married.
I have thought that once I do find the love that I have been so desperately seeking, that maybe my time will be cut short by one of us dying like Mandy and Chad's. Until recently, it had not dawned on me that this already happened to me. No, seriously. I just had this revelation within the past month or so. I have been meaning to blog about it, but it is a bit morbid. (This is the shit that runs through my mind.) Maybe Joey was my one love and our time was cut short because he was sick. I realize him and I were not officially boyfriend and girlfriend when he passed away. However, he was my best friend and I will always carry him in my heart.
I just pray that if God does bring love into my life again, that I can enjoy it for years to come. I feel like all this waiting may lead me to something great and I don't want it taken away.
I will say this though. Dear Lifetime: I don't accept that love does not pick everyone. You're an asshole for saying that.