This is a follow-up to the Loneliness post I wrote yesterday. An article popped up on my Facebook timeline titled "You will find love the day you finally stop searching for it." Here's the link.
Telling someone who has been single for over 10 years that they'll find love once they stop searching for it is like telling someone with anxiety to just calm down. In both of these cases, I can assure you that saying this does not help. Of course, in 10 years I have thought about finding love. Some days more than others as I stated yesterday in my post. There are times that I don't think about it at all. Is it exhausting and frustrating to constantly wonder if every guy I meet is the 'one?' Absolutely. I think when you've been single over 10 years and are 37 years old as I am, you can't help but wonder if he is the 'one.' That doesn't mean that I am trying on wedding dresses or picking out a ring after the first date.
Now some of the article I do agree with. I do agree that it'll happen when it's supposed and that it will be unexpected. But, isn't that the case for just about everything in life?
I already know why it didn't work out with previous guys. I think once you step back and assess the relationship, it's quite obvious. That doesn't mean that there are some guys that I hoped it would have worked out with. But, I can identify why it didn't.
I 110% agree that all this time I have been single, it's allowed me to focus on myself and grow. I guess what bothers me about some of this is that I can understand if someone was saying this to me, or I was reading this article after only having been single a few months or a year. I have been single for over 10 years. I mean how much personal development and life growth does one person need? That's why I keep saying God must not think I am done growing or learning what He is trying to teach me.
If I had to guess, God doesn't think I am done learning how to love myself and to stop being so self-critical of my thoughts and feelings. That is why I am in therapy. I struggle so much with whether or not my thoughts and feelings are normal. What is normal?
In short, I do agree with much of the article. It's just not feasible to not be looking for love when you have been single as long as I have. It's always going to be in the back of my mind. Always.