Tuesday, April 12, 2016

We have to do better

At work the other day, I got a call from a woman who is going through a divorce. After speaking to her for a little while, I found out she has six kids. She is also a stay-at-home mom. The soon-to-be ex-husband sounds like a typical douche. Moved out and now he doesn't think he needs to help support her and their children. Granted, only two are his and she does not get support for the other four. I was blatantly honest with her and told her that we'd have to file documents and request a hearing be set. Which, would be probably 2-3 months from now. This woman has zero income and 6 kids. Sadly, she's not the only client we have in this similar situation.

Yes, I know, people do not go into a relationship thinking that it is going to fail. I get that. And, if you can afford to have only one person working in the house and the other stay at home, it probably makes sense with the cost of daycare. I asked this woman if she was going to find a job and she said she'd have to find a sitter for the two youngest ones first.

My not ever wanting kids I know clouds my judgment on this topic a bit too. I was at the drive-thru last week and these two woman were walking out of the restaurant. Between the two, they had five (If not more. I couldn't count fast enough.) kids and the one was pregnant. Their lives literally flashed before my eyes. It's just the life I absolutely 110% do not want. I know people think that I can't live a fulfilled life without having kids. Maybe that makes me selfish that I do not want kids. I just always had the mentality that I had to take care of myself and that certainly did not mean having babies. Men, you do the same thing. You have all these babies and then end up in court paying child support and at the end of the month, you're left with what to pay your rent/mortgage? I've talked to plenty of guys who have no money to live off of because they are paying multiple support payments. I'm in no way saying I feel sorry for them. If they have that many children, their baby mamma's are probably not getting much by way of support.  

Do you not think of the consequences of having all these children?

I come across so many people in the collection business where a boyfriend and girlfriend were together and the one co-signs on a car for the other and then they break up. Now, I'm trying to sue both of them and they don't even have contact with each other. Again, I get it. People don't go into relationships thinking the worst. Maybe it was that I had the fear of my parents always in my conscious. You worried about yourself and let others figure it out. I've done some stupid shit in my time with guys (as you all know), but one thing I have NEVER done is given a guy money or co-signed on anything. 

I have a girlfriend who is a single working mom. All of my friends have kids, or are in the process of trying to have kids. Educate yourself though.  Learn how to take care of YOU before you start having all these babies. Don't you want better for your kids when you do have them? 

Another thing that bothers me is people who have several kids by multiple partners. Kids have so many siblings that they don't even know about these days. So disturbing. 

Women, we've got to do better. We've got to start taking care of ourselves and stop looking for a man to do it. If you want to have the next series on TLC (i.e. 19 Kids and Counting), then shoot for it. But, why can't you get an education in the meantime? Men, stop dropping your sperm off to any woman that will take it. Why do you want to pay all this support every month and have nothing left to take care of YOU?