Wednesday, July 16, 2014

This Too Shall Pass

Aside from saying that I was dating a guy for about a month and he ended up not being who I thought he was, I don't really feel like hashing out the details of yet another dating disaster.

What I will say is that I am relieved to know that I am capable of trusting someone again. I am relieved to know that for a while there I was that sappy person smiling just because.  Although those feelings were short-lived, it does provide me with hope.  I think that is what I'm most heart-broken about. It is amazing to have someone to come home to at night (or, they come home to you), to have someone to sleep with at night, and someone to lay on the couch with watching TV and laughing.  

I also think I have a clearer picture of what type of guy I am looking for. I don't think I had that before. I may have had somewhat of an idea, but not as clear as I do now.  I may even be turning into that woman that has a mental checklist of things that she wants a guy to have.  I didn't have that before.

Everyone tells me to stop looking and that it'll happen when it's supposed to. I agree 100%. But, can you ever really stop looking? It's like Will Smith said in Hitch "No woman wakes up saying God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today." The idea of meeting someone is always in the back of mind no matter if I'm at dinner with friends or walking around Target. I get extremely frustrated because I don't know where to go to meet people.  In the 13 years I've worked downtown, I've ran into maybe a handful of good looking professional men.  The guys I work with at the car dealership are not the guys I'm physically attracted too and I don't think any of them are single.  Someone told me yesterday to volunteer and change up my routine. Well I have volunteered; for 10 years to be exact. I wouldn't stay committed to volunteering somewhere if it wasn't something I was extremely passionate about. As far as changing up my routine, I wholly agree. What's hard is that I don't have a plethora of people to hang out with because all of my friends have kids and are either married or in a relationship. I can't rely on them to go do things with me. SO, do I start doing things on my own? Perhaps. I realize I need to step out of my box. Going to do things alone seems more lonely than just not doing anything at all. I'm open for suggestions because I don't know where to go from here.

I'm having one of those days today where all I can do is sit in my feelings and emotions. Sometimes I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience. Days like today make me realize why some people drink and do drugs. It allows them to not feel. God, wouldn't that be nice?! I've been re-reading The Untethered Soul and trying to work on being conscious of the thoughts and feelings I am having. It's definitely a learning process trying to figure out how to release the energy from those thoughts and feelings.

I'm going to take this lesson that God obviously thought I needed to have [again] and I am going to turn it into something positive. Well maybe later today or tomorrow - after the emotions of being pissed off, bitter, and sad fade away. Hey, I'm not perfect. Gotta give me a little time to get over the heartbreak.