Thursday, October 31, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 28

Describe a moment when you made a big, bold move. In any area of life: Career, Love, etc.

I've thought about this challenge for a while now. I've even asked a couple of girlfriends if I've ever made a big, bold move. They both said my trip to New York even though it did not turn out well. 

Couple things with this.  One, I've already told the story about New York. You can read that here. Second, this challenge kind of makes me sad. In 34 years, the only big, bold move I can think that I made was hopping on a plan to go visit a "friend?" 

I definitely think this challenge gives me something to think about. Maybe one day, I'll be able to come back to this challenge and share a big, bold move I made. Perhaps moving to Chicago? 

Till then... 

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 27

Talk about something that you really, really, really love about yourself.

Talk about a challenge. I don't know about you, but I'm not one to sit around and talk about myself. 

Physically speaking, my hair is what I really, really, really love about myself. Maybe not so much back in middle school when teased bangs and aerosol hairspray were in. Ask my mom. I would be in the bathroom doing my hair and if it didn't do what I wanted it to, I'd start slamming the curling iron down and trust me the more you tease and spray the less your hair does what you want it to.  Oh, in 5th grade, my mom made me get a perm. I had that until I think the 9th or 10th grade. Didn't love my hair then either. Now, my hair is dark and just straight. 

Favorite picture of my hair. It's not quite this long now.
I know. I know. The challenge isn't supposed to be what physical feature I like most about myself. But, I had to come up with something while I was thinking of something a little more profound. I'd have to say that my favorite thing is that I don't sugar coat anything. I'm very honest. I think that also comes with wearing my emotions on my sleeve. I can't hide how I feel. So, if I'm annoyed with you or a situation, you will know. I am also very outspoken (ask my Grandmother -- that's why she doesn't speak to me anymore (and, P.S. I'm OK with that)). While this is something I love about myself, it also tends to get me into trouble. Thankfully, I finally have a boss that just ignores my bitchiness.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Aha!

If you follow or followed Oprah when she did her talk show, you know that she talked about her "aha moments." An aha moment is a point in time, an event, or experience when one has a sudden insight or realization. I've always been a little jealous when I hear someone had their aha moment. Until yesterday...

I'm at work last night reading through my Twitter feed and The Single Woman (same Twitter that I got my 30 Day Blog Challenge from) tweeted "If you are stuck, it might be a gratitude problem. Ungratefulness for what you already HAVE keeps you from receiving MORE."

I read that and just stopped and said out loud (yes, at work), "I think I just had my first aha moment." My first thought was "Yes! Finally, I can say I've had an aha moment." My second thought was "oh, shit."

You may think "well that's common sense." And, it probably is. But, again, that's why it's an aha moment because it's when you have a sudden insight or realization. If I were God I wouldn't be forthcoming in giving me everything I've been dreaming about having because I clearly don't have gratitude for the things I do have. I need to stop focusing on the things I don't have. I'm not even going to list those things. I need to focus on what I do have. Which is an apartment, car, job (two at that), awesome parents, great sisters, and amazing nieces and nephews. I have two best friends who I love dearly. Oh, and I have the awesome-est cat, ever. She makes me laugh daily.

I may not have everything I thought I would at the age of 34. I may not be where I thought I would be at the age of 34. But, that's OK.  Well, lets not rush things. I'm making peace with what I do have and where I am at the age of 34.

Thank you, Oprah and The Single Woman. I dedicate this blog post to you.

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 26

Name a song that makes you cry every time you hear it and why. 

There isn't any song that makes me cry every time I hear it. There are a few songs that may get to me, but I don't know that I have ever cried while listening to a song. 

The few songs I can think of that may make me sad are Sarah McLachlan's "I Will Remember You," Rascall Flatts' "What Hurts the Most," and Colbie Caillat "Never Told You." 

Come to think of it, Sugarland has a song called "Joey." I've listened to it one time. If it comes on my iPod, I skip over it as fast as I can. I suspect if I stopped to listen to it each time, it would make me cry.

Monday, October 28, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 25

Describe a moment when you "paid it forward." What happened and how did it feel?

I have donated a lot of clothes to Good Will.  Who hasn't, right?  But, to me, that's not really paying it forward. I have had a grey suit and black suit jacket in my closet since I graduated college (12 years ago). I wore both of them may be two or three times. I didn't really want to just dump them in the Goodwill bin.  I had heard about the "Dress for Success" program. It's an organization for women who can get support, career development tools, and professional attire. I thought what better place to donate my gently worn suit and jacket. A few months ago, I took both to the drop off bin at Crazy Pinz. I'm excited I was able to do that and hopefully help someone who will be going on some job interviews. If you feel good about yourself, it'll help with your presentation during an interview. If you're interested in learning more about Dress for Success, visit their website at www.dressforsuccess.org/.

I also work very closely with the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. When I met Joey back in 2003 and found out he had Cystic Fibrosis, I immediately wanted to get involved with the Foundation.  Joey and I formed Team Jose and ever since, our team has participated in the annual Great Strides Walk. If you're interested in learning more about Cystic Fibrosis or donating to our team, you can visit www.cff.org/Great_Strides/TeamJose.

First team photo in 2006.
2013
Volunteering with the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation never seems like an obligation. I have met some awesome people since I started working with the Foundation. A lot of people ask me why I still continue to volunteer since Joey passed away in 2008. It never was a question in my mind to NOT volunteer after he passed away. I'm in this until CF really does stand for "Cure Found."

Sunday, October 27, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 24

If you could relive ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?

During this 30 day blog challenge, I have really been going with the first thing that pops in mind. Like, my most heartbreaking breakup or the last day I truly felt blissful. I could set back and think about some of these questions for days. But, I don't want to end up making something up or lying to myself. Just like with this challenge, I'm going to go with the first day that comes to mind. 

I honestly cannot recall when this day was. I met Joey in 2003 and he had his transplant in 2006. So, my guess would be in 2005 because I know this was before he had his transplant. We had just ate dinner at Smokey Bones out at Jefferson Pointe. When we went to leave, it was pouring outside. I waited inside while Joey went to go get the car. I stood there FOREVER. I had seen him get into the car, but I had no idea why he wasn't backing out and driving up to the front of the restaurant. FINALLY, he pulled up to the front and I got into the car. I think I said "what the hell were you doing?" He turned to look at me and he could barely speak. When he was running out to the car, he had started to cough and was coughing up blood. And, I'm not talking  just a little blood. It was a lot. He had the car door open and was coughing/spitting outside so that it wasn't getting into the car. I immediately panicked. I picked up his phone to try to call his mom. He had one of those phones where you could push the side button and then it ended up being like a walkie talkie. Anyways, I had NO idea how to use it. Anyone ever have to dial 911? Somehow those three digits become the hardest three digits to dial. That's how I felt. I could not push any of the right buttons and I couldn't focus on the menus that would come up. I finally took my phone out and I tried calling his mom. No answer. I tried calling his sister. No answer. I finally called his sister-in-law and she had me on speaker and so I told his brother what was going on. I'm not sure if his sister ended up calling me back or if she was with his brother, but I know I yelled at her because I could not get anyone to answer their phone. 

After what seemed like an eternity, I told Joey to get out of the car so that I could drive. He would not move. I finally pushed him out. No, literally. I kicked him out with my foot. I remember when I climbed over to the driver side I went to close the door, and the blood was mixing in with the rain. Joey got into the car and we started driving to Lutheran Hospital. I got to the shopping center where Cebolla's is on Jefferson and I pulled over because the traffic was so horrific. I knew I needed to get him there faster so I called 911. The ambulance came and took Joey to the hospital. I met him there along with his family. 

I wouldn't relive this day. But, I would relive these few moments. I don't really believe in regrets. Thinking of the day I would relive was easy. But, the hard part for me was admitting that I would relive it because in my mind, I'm succumbing to the idea that I may very well just regret my actions. I wish I would have handled it better. I wish I would have just gotten into the car, realized what was happening, got back out of the car, helped Joey into the passenger seat, and started driving to Lutheran. I remember feeling almost paralyzed. I couldn't get the phone to work and I couldn't get out of the car. I did apologize to his sister at the hospital for yelling at her.  

In the end, I'm glad I was there with him. I don't know what would have happened if he would have been alone.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 23

Talk about a moment when you got annoyed with a married friend, a person in a relationship, or a person with kids (Be honest! No judgment!)

I've thought a lot about this challenge over the past week or so.  My first thought was how will I ever narrow it down to ONE moment when I got annoyed with someone?  Ha! My second thought was I should write about a relationship I was in that I can almost guess others were annoyed by. 

I remember even back when I was in high school and a really good friend of mine who was older was dating this guy who was just the biggest loser ever. I could never understand why she stayed with him. Then when I got into college, I had another girlfriend who dated verbally abusive guy(s) and just all around losers. Again, why did she stay with him? 

We've all had friends who have dated someone we didn't like and wonder why they stuck around for so long. But, guess what? I've done it too, and I'm sure you the reader has too.

This is actually something I struggle with a lot. Where do you draw the line when it comes to sucking it up and being a supportive friend to someone who is in a relationship you do not agree with? I also think for me it's hard to be happy for someone when you're not happy yourself.  (I'm pretty sure Cher/Alicia Silverstone said that in Clueless). 

When it comes to parenting, we are all a bunch of Judge Judy's.  Everyone has an opinion on how you should raise your kids. I'm always telling my sister that the kids need to have consequences for their actions and her and I disagree greatly when it comes to my niece having access to social media websites. Being that I don't have kids, I'm in no position to really form an opinion or be judgmental when it comes to parenting. 

Friday, October 25, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 22

What fictional character in a movie, TV show, or book do you identify with and why?

I got absolutely nothing. Anyone have suggestions as to who they think I might identify with? 


Thursday, October 24, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 21

How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network?

As I was typing my blog for day 17, it dawned on me that I should be on a reality show called "Brother Husbands." It'll be just like Sister Wives that is on now.  It's about a Polygamy family.  There are four wives I believe and one husband. To switch it up a bit, I'll be married to multiple men.  Lets see, how many men will I need? Hmm...

The gorgeous black man (not hot or fine). Gorgeous. And, yes there's a difference between being gorgeous, hot, and fine. 

The intellectual man for when I want advice and good conversation. 

The fixer.  He can fix, repair, and/or build anything. 

The funny one.  Someone who can always make me laugh. 

I could continue, but I think four is enough.  Oh, and I'll pitch the show to TLC. My show Brother Husbands can come on after Sister Wives. 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 20

Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it.

I realize the question asks me what I think my most difficult break up was.  But, I think if I asked someone close to me what they thought my most difficult breakup was, it would be different than what I'm about to say.

I'm actually going to pick two.  And, I'm picking these because they are the ones I recall hurting the most from.  Mainly, because they came out of no where. Some of the relationships I've had progressively ended.  It wasn't something that just happened over night.

My first most difficult breakup would be by far my high school relationship.  Kevin and I were together for almost two years I believe.  This one always sticks out in my mind because I had never been through a breakup before.  I didn't know what it was like to have a broken heart.  We broke up because Kevin basically wanted his freedom.  I mean hello, we were in high school.  I don't blame him now.  But, we were together all of the time.  He was my best friend.  I remember I was in my bedroom talking to him on the phone when we broke up.  After we got off the phone, I took down all of our pictures and threw away anything that reminded me of him.  It was a pain and sadness I had never experienced nor will I ever forget. Being that this was my high school relationship, I can't say for sure that I learned much or took much from the relationship.  I wasn't in that stage of my life yet to come out of it with much of a life lesson.

The second most difficult breakup I remember going through was with Nick.  We were together only a short time.  It was kind of a summer fling.  I had met him through Mike and Aaron who I went to college with.  I don't even remember how they knew him.  But, after Mike and I broke up, Nick was there. He was by far one of the funniest people I had ever met so it was nice to have him around to make me laugh.  I didn't like him right away.  I just considered him a friend until I could move on from my feelings that I had for Mike.  We were always together and we had so much fun.  We went camping, to the drive-in, Chicago, fireworks, etc.  We dated when I lived with my sister and her now ex-husband. Nick basically lived with us too.  He spent the night every night.  I remember it was right around the time of the Johnny Appleseed Festival.  He had been sick with a cold, but he still wanted to go walk around the festival. Then the following week, he just decided one night he was going to go stay at his house.  He had said his sister was getting mad because he was never home.  After that night, it was never the same.  I think he would just humor me most of the time because he knew how badly he had hurt me.  I still till this day don't know why he broke up with me.  I've seen him maybe a couple of times since.  And, he would just lie about the dumbest things.  I look for him every so often on Facebook, but haven't been able to find him.  I've never seen him around town, so I don't know if he even lives in Fort Wayne anymore.  I just remember when he broke up with me that I felt like I couldn't breath.  I remember sitting at the kitchen table and I called my mom at work and was just sobbing.  I couldn't figure out how to pick the pieces up and move on. Again, with this relationship, I don't know what I took from it being that I was so young. I just know that out of the few relationships I've had, he was definitely someone I truly loved.

Even now as I'm writing this blog and reliving these moments, I can't say that I learned anything. Both of these guys were a huge part of my life at the time and are a huge part of my past.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 19

What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?

I have been going back and forth on this challenge for over a week now.  I even emailed a couple of friends to see if they could come up with anything.  I got nothing.  I think that's because I am pretty open and honest about every thing in my life.  I also wear my emotions on my sleeve.  I also do not have many acquaintances.  Everyone in my life is either a really close friend or a family member whom all know me very well.  

A few things that I did think to talk about were already mentioned in prior blogs. i.e. that I am 34 years old and have never drank.  

If I come up with anything profoundly interesting, I'll revise this blog entry.  

Monday, October 21, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 18

If you could have a conversation with yourself in high school, what would you say?

My first thought? Your body is going to take a huge shit when you enter your 30's.  So, enjoy the energy, metabolism, and overall sense of feeling pretty good.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 17

What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?

As I mentioned before, I do not practice any spiritual/religious beliefs. The only belief that I have is that I believe in God. If I were to meet someone who had strong religious beliefs, I would be okay with that as long as they did not try to push their beliefs onto me. I wouldn't be okay dating someone who believed in Polygamy.  How about I have multiple husbands and we call it Brother Husbands?  (I see day 21 is how would you pitch a reality show about yourself.) TO BE CONTINUED! 

Saturday, October 19, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 16

If you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?
  1. Pictures of my family, Cierra, and Amelya. 
  2. I'd go through all of my photo albums and put a picture of my trips to Hawaii, Niagara Falls, Florida, Arizona, graduations, holidays, etc., just so I could remember all of the good times I had. 
  3. A printout of this blog. 
  4. Picture of my iPhone and princess blanket (two things I could never give up). 
  5. Something representing my relationship with Joey. Either a  picture or a piece of his clothing that I have.
By the way, this blog challenge reminds me of Full House.  I remember when Uncle Jesse, Joey, and Danny planted a time capsule at their school.  I just remember that Uncle Jesse planted a hair dryer. Ha!! 

Friday, October 18, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 15

Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc.) What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?

I have two conversations I'd like to have.  I've wrote a few blogs about what happened with me, Carlos (Joey's best friend), and his wife, Dana.  I don't care to have a conversation with Dana.  I'd like to punch her in the throat.  But, I don't want to speak to her.  I'd like Carlos to acknowledge that what his wife did was wrong.  (Short version -- accusing me of wanting her husband.)  I never expected him to choose our friendship over his marriage and family.  I just want him to acknowledge that what she did was wrong.  How he handled it was wrong. And, that he broke his promise to me that he'd always be there for me after Joey passed.  I guess what really gets me with this is that the day of Joey's funeral (and I'm sure I've mentioned this before in prior blogs), she got mad because she thought Carlos was flirting with my girlfriends.  Yep, Dana.  You're right.  He was flirting with my girlfriends on the day of his best friend's funeral. After the funeral, we all went over to Joey's parents' house.  Carlos called me and said they were not coming and then that's when he told me why -- because they were fighting.  So, this was something she's accused him of before and then was accusing me of doing. When I first met Dana, I was not a fan.  But, over time, we became really close.  She was like one of my best friends.  I loved going over to their house and watching football and movies.  I would babysit their girls. Dana and I went shopping.  She stayed at my house one night when her and Carlos were fighting.  Aside from her making up lies and accusing me of something that I did not feel, I was hurt that she took that friendship away from me.  I know holding onto this anger is not healthy.  I'm really trying to work on letting it go and forgiving them. 

The second conversation I'd like to have with someone is Will.  Will was another guy I had met online. This was between 2005 - 2007 that we met.  He lived in New York and we talked every single day. He flew out once to visit me.  The second time, he drove out to visit me.  In 2010, Will had asked me to go out and see him during St. Patrick's Day week.  I really want to clarify that he asked me to come out. So, I used my Christmas money and got a plane ticket.  At the time, I was unemployed.  But, all I had to do was get the plane ticket.  Obviously, I had a place to stay while I was out there.  I was to fly out of Chicago on a Saturday and return on either that following Saturday or Sunday.  I felt weird about the whole trip before I even left.  He didn't seem to be excited about my coming out. Before, when he had visited me, we had counted down the days.  Oh, and I would say from the time I bought my ticket until the time I was to leave was a little over a month.  So, I get to Chicago that Saturday and apparently the weather in New York was ridiculous -- windy and raining uncontrollably.  My flight was canceled so I had to get a hotel room that night.  Again, his lack of interest in my flight being delayed had me worried. But, I just kept telling myself it was nothing. Sunday, my flight left on time and I flew directly to New York. He was waiting for me at the airport.  He drove me downtown to see Times Square and then we drove to his house.  I knew he was going to have to work so I knew I'd be at his house alone some of the time.  His daughter at the time was in the hospital for something (I forget).  That's why I had just kind of put his lack of enthusiasm off to the side because I figured he was preoccupied.  Monday came and he got up and went to work.  He did nothing to make sure I had stuff to eat or drink.  I got up and went for a walk and found a little restaurant.  I walked back to his house and showered.  He had came home and was going to go to the hospital.  I forget what time he got home that evening.  Tuesday, he got up and went to work again. This whole time, he's barely speaking to me and I'm afraid to really ask what is going on. Tuesday, I'm sitting outside on his porch and he sends me a BBM (Blackberry message).  In short, he gave me the number for a taxi, his address to give to the taxi company, and what train(s) to take to get downtown where I could then find myself a hotel room.  He said that his daughter was sick, but she was leaving the hospital and that her and her mom would be coming to stay with him because they couldn't go back to her house (I think because of pets or something and the allergies).  I remember calmly getting up and walking inside (mind you, I never responded to him) and I found my plane ticket and I called the airline and then my calmness subsided.  I told the gentlemen who answered the phone to do whatever he could to get me on a flight home that day.  I called my dad and said you'll need to leave for Chicago, I'm coming home.  By this time, I'm shaking because I'm so upset and I'm crying.  I call the cab company and tell them to come pick me up in a half hour.  Cost of the cab? $80.00 from his house to LaGuardia Airport (awesome).  I pack my shit up.  Put on some shoes and stand outside his house waiting for the taxi.  Skipping a head, I get off the plane in Chicago and I had several BBM's from Will asking if I had figured out the trains or something to that effect.  I don't quite remember. Still I didn't respond to him.  I remember getting out of the car and walking up to McDonald's with my dad and my phone rings from a number I don't know. I answered it and it was a friend of Will's saying he had been trying to get a hold of me.  I said, tell him I left.  The guy was like you left? I said, yep.  Tell him I'm already home and I hung up.  I never did respond to his first BBM.  I never told him I was leaving. Still to this day, I'm SO surprised I just left.  It was the right choice, but I'm still so surprised I never responded to him.  I never had a desire to.  So, I was in New York from Sunday until Tuesday.  

I have no idea what happened because I've not spoken to him since.  I don't know if his daughter was really sick.  I don't know if maybe he was back dating this girl and he didn't realize it was going to happen from the time he told me to fly out until the time came for me to go see him.  I have absolutely NO idea what happened.  None.  It just always amazed me that after all the times we spoke via text message and email from the time we woke up until the time we went to bed, that I truly did not know who he was.  I realize it was a long distance friendship. But, I thought I knew him.  And, in the end, I didn't.  I can't say for sure what type of conversation I would like to have with him.  In this moment, I don' t know if I even want to know the truth.  I think after all these years, I'm finally over it (even though it may not sound like I am).  Again, I have a really hard time forgiving people and letting things go.  This was the second time I've had a really hard time forgiving someone.  Now, I'm working on my third (Carlos and Dana).   

Thursday, October 17, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 14

Describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful

I wrote a blog on March 19, 2011 (read here) about a day when I was really happy. At the time I wrote that blog, I had finished a book about the ten best days of your life.  So, that was my day 4 (I've yet to finish that challenge by the way). But, that's definitely a day I remember being truly happy.  

However, two years ago this Thanksgiving, I went to Chicago with some friends. We were standing at the Navy Pier and it was pretty windy and cool (my perfect temperature). I just stood at the edge of the pier with my eyes closed smelling the lake and letting the breeze hit my face.  At that moment in time, I was so happy to be standing in that exact spot that I started crying.  I felt like if I stood there long enough that all of my problems and questions would be answered.  I think we stood there for maybe five minutes.  But, in that five minutes every care and concern I had seemed to go away. 

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 13

Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship. 

The last person I texted was my sister.  I think it's pretty obvious how we met. Ha. So, I'm going to revert to the second to last person I texted.  That was De Aja. I met him years ago online.  I would have to look at my old calendars/journals to see exactly how long ago it's been.  At the time, he was living in Indianapolis.  He came to visit me maybe one or two weekends.  I can't really remember. I know I saw him once in Indianapolis when I was visiting my friend, Sarah.  Since, he's moved to Texas to be closer to some of his family.  We go through spurts where we won't talk for a while and then there will be times we talk a few times a week. And, it may just be a text saying "miss you."  I asked him over the weekend if he thought if we lived in the same city would we be together?  His response was "hell yes." He's a hard worker.  Never been married.  No kids.  Has his own place.  Most importantly (ha), he's hot and extremely well dressed.  He's also a huge Bears fan!! The downside?  We fight. Well, I probably fight more than he does.  He doesn't put up with my crap.  We've only seen each other a handful of times. Which is so odd since we still keep in touch.  I keep telling him we should move to Chicago together.  He says it's too cold.  And, I'm not moving to Texas. I would rather saw each finger off with a butter knife than live in that heat.  OK, maybe that's a bit extreme. So, I guess for now we'll remain long distance friends.  I don't have a picture of us together, but I think I can steal one from his Facebook page.  He'll probably kill me though.  Sshhh...  



Tuesday, October 15, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 12

What is your proudest accomplishment?

Easy.  That I do not drink.  I realize people say that all of the time.  And, then you get them out to the bar and they're the first ones taking a shot.  Or, people say that but then follow it up with "well, I might have a glass of wine once a month."  I do not drink. I've had one sip of alcohol my entire life and that was on accident.

It was the last birthday that I got to spend with Joey.  We were at Cebolla's and he had ordered me a virgin margarita.  Naturally it was hot outside since my birthday is in July. So, when I got the margarita, I took a big gulp. Holy crap did I feel it.  Not only was it not good, the alcohol hit me instantly. What's in a margarita anyways? Tequila? Vodka? Joey took a drink and he's like "yep, that's got alcohol in it." So, we told the waiter and I got a new drink. But, I was definitely playing it up like I was drunk and couldn't drive.

After my drink -- ha.
I don't know why I've never drank.  I don't recall making a conscious decision to not drink because both of my grand fathers were alcoholics and so was my aunt.  I think I attribute it mostly to not ever wanting to get in trouble when I was a kid.  I never had a desire to either.  It wasn't something I wanted to do like most kids in high school and into college.  I've never done drugs either.  Not even sampling a little weed.  I've smoked maybe two cigarettes my whole life and didn't like them.  I do smoke Black N' Milds once in a while.  I did more so when you could smoke in the bars and I went out three nights a week.  If it's a cool Fall night, I might sit on my balcony and smoke a half of one.

Will I ever drink? I don't plan on it, but never say never.

Monday, October 14, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 11

Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date...

I've answered this question in my last 200 blogs I've posted. Happy reading?! :)

Sunday, October 13, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 10

Today I'm supposed to Google the meaning of my name and talk about how it fits or does not fit me.  

Rachelbiblical character: in the Bible, the daughter of Laban, wife of Jacob, and mother of Joseph and Benjamin Genesis 

In no way shape or form does the meaning of my name fit me.  I know absolutely nothing about the Bible or religion.  I used to go to Sunday School with my next door neighbor when I was a kid.  But, as an adult, I do not attend church or practice any specific religion.  It is by far the one topic that makes me feel extremely uncomfortable.  

Linnwaterfall: a waterfall, or a pool at the foot of a waterfall

My love of swimming and water parks? 

I'm sure if I dug deep into the meaning of the definitions, I could come up with something a little more profound.  But, just give me an F on this daily challenge.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 9

What is your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do? 

I've been thinking about this one for a few days and I honestly can't think of anything that unique.  I have some pretty funny conversations with Amelya (my cat).  So, if I were dating someone, I would probably tone that back a bit.  At least until we got to know each other better.  Amelya is allowed pretty much anywhere she wants to be at home.  Most people probably wouldn't appreciate that she climbs on the kitchen counter or stands over a pan while the water is boiling.  Or, that she drinks the milk from my cereal.  

I would probably work on controlling the uncontrollable crying I usually experience while watching Parenthood.  I can go from laughing to crying in .2 seconds (If you're not watching Parenthood, I highly suggest it).  

Hmm...what else?  Besides the obvious picking my nose and farting I got nothing.  

Friday, October 11, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 8

List five things that are most important to you in a future mate.

The obvious which seems to be the not so obvious these days.

1. Driver's license 
2. Car 
3. Job
4. House/apartment/condo 
5. Pays taxes

And, 

1. Educated. I don't necessarily mean having gone to an ivy league school or a community college.  In this day and age, texting is a huge form of communication and so is emailing.  If you're going to text me, please     use punctuation.  I know I don't use it right a lot of times, nor is my spelling all that great, but at least I try       to pretend to know what I am doing.

2. How many kids does he have? I can deal with a few.  How many baby momma's are there?

3. I would like someone who knows how to fix things around the house.  Someone who can change the oil in my car.

4. Presentation -- how well he dresses.  I know this is very superficial, but it's important to me.

5. Makes me laugh cause that's not an easy task.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 7

Million dollar question -- "Where are you in life vs. where you thought you would be at this point."

If you ask yourself this question and you're exactly where you said you would be, then good. for. you. Honestly.  I'm envious.

Back in high school/college, I was obsessed with going to Chicago.  I would try to go a few times a month.  I just loved to go downtown and walk around on Michigan Avenue and the Navy Pier.  I had this vision of my moving to Chicago, becoming a judge (I must have thought I was going to become a judge magically without having gone to law school which I never wanted to do), working late, then going out for "drinks" with friends, before returning to my high-rise Lake Point Tower condo.  Thinking back, I'm assuming I was going to be single while living this life.  But, ever since I can remember, I've always wanted to get married.  I think for me that meant I finally found someone who loved me back.  I have never wanted kids so I don't really pay attention to the tick-tock of my biological clock (in my Marisa Tomei voice from My Cousin Vinny).

I don't hate my life in Fort Wayne.  Especially because my whole family lives here.  I just feel like I'm constantly missing out on things because I don't have anyone to really do things with.  Could I do them alone? Sure.  But, who wants to do that? However, I did go see Kevin Hart when he came to the Embassy by myself.

Would I still want to move to Chicago? Abso-freaking-lutely.  I'd move tomorrow if I could.  If and when I got married, and my husband wanted to move to Chicago, I would move in a heartbeat.  I just want to be in driving distance of my family.

I don't really know where I got off course with my plans.  I feel like back in high school and early college, I was so motivated.  Now, I'm just going through the motions of each day because that's what you're supposed to do.  You're supposed to get up and go to work, go home and have dinner, and relax for the following work day.

I know I'm only 34 years old and I have a lifetime to live.  I just hope at the end of it all I can look back and see some happiness.

Lake Point Tower

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 6

I love today's challenge.  It's not so much of a question as it is a statement.  "Every woman has the exact love life she wants." 

I 100% agree with this.  
I don't want the love life that I have.  I think what I've yet to come to grips with is that I am 34 years old, I have been in my career for 13 years, and I've lived on my own for about 16 years.  What I'm trying to say is that I am an adult, dammit.  And, I need to start looking for an adult relationship.  

I also think that having the exact love life you want goes hand-in-hand with teaching people the way you want and should be treated.  Seems like common sense, no?  

I think woman (and men) who are in unhealthy relationships choose to stay in those relationships because they fear being alone or because it's just easier than having to start over. The Single Woman tweeted recently, "Someone hurting you over and over again isn't a mistake, it's a lifestyle choice. Love yourself enough to let them go." Again, common sense, no? 

I used to be that girl who sat on the couch with full-on makeup, dressed to the nines, hair done waiting for the phone to ring.  I would stay like that till 10, 11, 12 at night. Now, I sit on the couch in my pj's, hair in a pony tail, and no makeup.  If a guy wants to spend time with me, he needs to make a plan with me.  I get spur of the moment plans and don't get me wrong, I like those. But, if we're going to go out on a date, then make plans with me.  I'm not waiting by the phone until you get done doing whatever it is that you need to do.  A lot of this goes hand-in-hand with my being stood up and men breaking/changing plans on me.  My point is that if I allow a guy to call whenever he's done doing what he's doing, then I'm allowing him to treat me that way. If I require plans be made then that will tell him that I am not going to be his 2nd, 3rd, 4th choice for the evening. Joey, my last boyfriend, was never on time.  Never.  I would get so mad at him for being late.  I remember one time, I was tired of waiting and I left.  I want to say we were going to my parents' house for dinner or something.  So, I just left. Told him he could meet me over there. It was just a continued cycle of him being late, my getting mad, and my having to get over it because what was I going to do about it? So, I started leaving when he'd be late.  

The older I've gotten, the less I put up with.  Obviously, you grow up and you have different expectations of what a relationship should be like.  Over the years I've had to learn and am continuing to learn what I want in a guy.  I'm trying to learn how to set my boundaries in the beginning as far as how I will allow someone to treat me.  

In the end-all, I need to work on looking for an adult relationship and setting those boundaries from the very beginning.   

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 5

What is the biggest misconception you think people have about single life?



That sums it all up right there.  I believe this was made based on my life.  Ha.  Too funny.  

On a serious note though, my first response would be that single people are either lonely or, they enjoy their freedom.  BUT, I think it depends on the specific single person we're talking about.  

I'd like to rework this question a bit to read "what is the biggest misconception about my being single for eight years?"

I definitely think guys judge me when they find out I've been single for eight years.  They tend to think that maybe I'm a bit cray cray because I haven't been in a relationship for eight years.  They think that something must be wrong with me being that I'm 34 years old, no kids, and never married.  I wish they would think of it as a good trait.  This also goes back to a prior blog I wrote.  I had went on a date with a guy that I was set up with.  I thought the date went well.  Much to my surprise it did not.  The guy that set us up, told me that guys tend to date down; not up.  Meaning that because I am 34 years old, no kids, and never married (not to mention I don't drink or do drugs) that it was just too much for him.  Now, I know that's a bunch of crap because if he were a real man, that would not have intimidated him.  So, I'm OK with it not having worked out.  

Monday, October 7, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 4

Today I'm answering what my biggest fear is as a single person.  This was by far the easiest question to answer so far.  I'm sure you're thinking my biggest fear is that I'll never find someone.  Yes, that thought crosses my mind often and yes, it concerns me.  But, it's not my biggest fear.  My biggest fear as a single person is that my dad won't be around to walk me down the isle if and when I do get married.


Sunday, October 6, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 3

Question today is describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.

Most people think being single is awesome because you can come and go as you please and do whatever you want. I've never really thought that as a bonus for being single. Maybe that's because I don't do a lot anyways and I don't have a ton of girlfriends. Having a boyfriend for me allows me to get out more and have fun.  

I think for me being single means I'm embracing being independent.  That I'm strong and am waiting for the right guy and in the meantime I'm not wasting time with all of the wrong guys. (I should probably explain that better.) Obviously, I've dated A LOT of wrong guys. What I mean is that I don't intentionally date guys just so I'm not alone. 

And, that to me makes ME awesome for being single. 

Saturday, October 5, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 2

Today's question: Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked. 

Oh, boy. I have lots of these days/moments. Recently, I've missed having someone to talk to about things that are bothering me. i.e. the stupid government and insurance issues. It's nice to come home and have someone there to listen about your day. 

Holidays, birthdays, rainy days, ice cream runs are all times when I miss having someone around.

Friday, October 4, 2013

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 1

Mandy Hale, who I follow on Twitter as "The Single Woman" tweets common sense quotes on being a single woman.  Recently, she posted "The Single Woman's 30 Day Blogging Challenge."  I'm single and I love to blog so naturally it was an easy decision to take on this challenge.  And, maybe I'll even learn a thing or two about myself in the meantime.  

First question: Your response to every one's favorite question: "Why are you still single?" 

I really do hate this question. I've been single now 8 years this month. I've dated, yes. I've liked a few guys, yes. But, when I look back, I'm glad it didn't work out. I think the main reason I'm single is because I'm attracted to the wrong type of guys. I also won't be with just anyone so that I'm not alone. I think feeling alone when you're with someone is far worse than feeling alone when you're single. People say I am picky and that may very well be the case. I have a very low tolerance for stupidity too.  

To sum it allll up. I'm single because I haven't found the right guy for me

If you're interested in doing the 30 day blogging challenge, the link is: 

http://thesinglewoman.net/2013/10/04/the-single-womans-30-day-blogging-challenge/

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Dream Catcher

It's been a while since I had a dream about Joey. But, I had one within the last week. This time, I dreamt I was marrying my high school boyfriend, Kevin. For some reason I didn't know Joey was around or even alive, but somehow I found out. When I realized he was around or even alive, I found out he was getting married too. I had a picture of him with a couple of other people and I kept showing it to people asking them if they knew who he was because he looked so different. Sort of old and run down. I don't remember how my dream ended.

All I know is that every single dream I do have about him, is the same. Or, the same concept. I didn't know he was alive and he keeps blowing me off, won't see me, and won't answer or return my calls. I'm not sure what the premise is behind this concept. I don't know what my subconscious is trying to tell me. Anyone have any thoughts?