Thursday, May 30, 2013

What You Should Know About My BFFF

I cannot believe just a little less than four months ago, I was having dinner with my bfff ("best fucking friend forever") and she was telling me she was moving to California to be with her boyfriend.  Whom by the way, I've never even met.  However, it wasn't a complete shock because she had been out to visit him several times and had traveled to Canada to see him.

Well, now we're only six short days (and two dinners) away from her leaving.  As we emailed back and forth today about something, I realized "boy do I hope he (her boyfriend) knows what he's getting into?"  And, I'm not saying that in a bad way.  She just is sort of a hot mess 91% of the time.  She knows this.  It's not a secret or anything.

Now granted, she's known her boyfriend since high school.  So, technically longer than I've known her.  But, there are still some things he probably should know about her or be reminded of.
  • She sleeps. A lot.  If she doesn't sleep all weekend, she won't and can't function.  
  • Shopping.  She doesn't and she won't.  If she does go shopping, it'll have to be in a shopping center and not a mall.  IF it is a mall, she will require a map to the store along with the closest parking lot location.  
  • She will burn.  No matter how many times you remind her to put sun screen on, she won't do it.  She won't necessarily complain about it afterwards but when her forehead starts to peel she will. 
  • If her toe nails start to get too long just tell her.  She seems to be oblivious to her toes and the amount of care they require. 
  • She seems to be getting better at washing her hair more frequently.  Even if she starts slacking again, there's really not a lot you can do about it.  You can try telling her you won't go out in public with her. That might work.  But, most likely it won't. 
  • Try introducing her to new music.  Otherwise, you'll be stuck listening to Britney Spears, Nicki Minaj, and anything commercial.  
  • Waiting to Exhale is one of, if not, her favorite movie (ask her to quote a line). 
  • Her purse will never be organized.  Be careful if you reach in to find something. It's a safety hazard.  You could come across old beer tabs, tampons, receipts from 1998, broken cigarettes, or even a fork (no, really). 
  • Her license and/or debit card will never be where it's supposed to be inside her purse.  Try looking inside the smaller purse she has inside the bigger purse.  
  • If she goes out of town, she will not unpack for at least a week after returning home (could be longer). 
  • When you're out together drinking, having dinner, etc., you will have to make sure to keep track of her phone.  She won't remember where she left it (try her purse first (see above)) and then some stranger will find it in the bathroom and call the logical person in one's phone ("mom") and then she'll have to explain to her mom why a stranger is calling saying they have her phone (true story).   
  • If she pays with cash when you're out together drinking, having dinner, etc., she won't remember how much her bill was and she'll presume she's just lost some cash.  Remind her of all of the events of the evening and she'll eventually piece the money she spent back together.  You can always try to see if it's in her purse (see above) first but that's doubtful. 
  • You will have to repeat anything you tell her when she's been drinking.  She will not remember. 
  • She has no sense of direction (hey, I don't either).
  • I am most certain you know this already, but when her eye lids start to blink sloooowly, that means she's drunk. 
  • Her farts stink really bad.  
  • She likes the toilet paper to be "under." 
  • Just kidding.  She likes it to be "over." 
  • She will not make sure you have toilet paper at all times.  You will run out if you don't pay attention.  And, she will buy toilet paper from the dollar store. 
  • When cleaning, she's OCD with the bleach.
  • She will need Mexican food at least once a month.  And, that's stretching it. 
  • She'll correct your grammar, spelling errors, and punctuation, and then put a smiley face at the end because for some reason she thinks that makes it a little less annoying.
Now you may think I'm being mean.  But, I'm not.  This is her.  This is who she is.  She's also very understanding, non-judgmental, funny (sometimes), loving, and fun.  

During college I don't really remember us being that close.  Yeah, we went to lunch together every day and had every class together.  But, outside of school, we didn't hang out.  At least I don't remember.  Then, after college, we didn't stay in touch really.  We both worked downtown and I may have seen her here and there on a Friday or Saturday night.  Then, I started working at BBDS&B and we became really close.  I was shocked and still am at how close we became.  We are definitely opposite in a lot of ways.  However, I think deep down, we're a lot alike.  She understands me (dammit, here come the tears).  And, I understand her.

Dear Boyfriend: I'm leaving my bfff in your hands.  Please take care of her.

Dear Bfff: I'm going to miss you! XO!! 

Going Away Party



CF Walk

My 30th Birthday Party

Summer Party

Birthday Celebration at Zambucas (I was burnt!)


Emily's Wedding

Emily's Wedding

CF Walk

Amanda's Wedding

Shine Bright Like a Diamond

CF Walk (If she has her glasses on, she's probably hungover)

NYE Party (my face is horrifically orange)

CF Wine Opener

Thursday, May 23, 2013

My Inner Bernadine

If you've ever seen Waiting to Exhale, then you know exactly who Bernadine is.  Her character was played by Angela Bassett who finds out her husband had been cheating and is now leaving her.  Well, she takes all of his stuff and puts it outside and lights it on fire.  While I'm not sure I got cheated on and I didn't have any of his belongings to burn, I did have the poem he wrote me.

I think my last update about this boy in particular ended last week.  He came over on Wednesday and we had a nice talk.  I didn't see him Thursday.  Friday, I woke up in the best mood.  I'm thinking to myself, it's Friday.  We're doing good.  I am going to have a date with my man.  All is good.  

Don't you hate when conversations or scenarios that you play out in your mind don't go the way you had hoped?  I finally heard from him when I was getting off of work.  Long story short, he calls at 10:30 p.m. saying he's on his way over.  Um, I'm half asleep and no I don't want to eat dinner at 10:30 at night.  While I was to acknowledge (if that's the right word) his "schedule," he clearly didn't acknowledge mine, and that I had been up since 6:30 a.m.  I told him I was half asleep, and he says, "well I'm not tired and I don't want to sit there and twiddle my thumbs while you sleep."  I said, "well I've been twiddling mine since I got off of work.  So, I'm going to sleep." And, I hung up.  

Saturday rolls around and I don't hear from him all day.  After shopping with my mom, I decide that I'm tired of waiting and I just go over to his house.  It didn't go well.  I'm impatient and pushy (his words).  So, I left.  He texted me and said, he was sorry and there was more to it, but he didn't want to talk about it.  I called him and he got mad and hung up.  Again, love that he always hangs up on me.  I texted him and said, "fuck you!"  And, that he wasn't who I thought he was.  Blah blah...he put "wow."  Sunday night I did text him because I was hurting.  He responded Monday.  Tuesday, he texted me good morning and I responded.  

Yesterday, I decided to see if he really did or did not have a FB page.  He had told me before he did not . Well, I type in his name, and there's a FB page.  Granted it had no activity since 2011.  But, his status was "engaged" and there were some comments between him and this girl about how much they loved each other, etc.  Well, at one point, she called him psycho and said she was blocking him.  

Last night I texted him and asked if he was married.  

Boy: "What? No I'm not what are you talking about" 

Me: "I saw a FB page of yours and it said you're engaged.  So, just asking.  Some of the comments were in 2011.  You said you'd been single for 4 yrs...So, I wondered..." 

Boy: "Thats not my Facebook page, thats something someone I was talking to way back in 2006 created I had nothing to do with that" 

Me: "Ok." 

Boy: "What are you doing?  Why do you keep looking up stuff, I thought I had made a mistake with, now I'm starting to feel it was for the best, I don't like that at all." (P.S. I had told him I tried Googling his music company's website.  That's why he said "why do you keep looking up stuff.")

Me: "Because it absolutely blows my mind what happened.  I feel like there should be some obvious answer.  But it is what it is." 

Boy: "Yeah whatever that means" 

Me: "I feel everything was perfect for like a week and then it changed over night.  It's hard for me to wrap my mind around that.  That's all.  But, like you's for the best."

Boy: "Whatever you say"

I went back last night from the start of our text messages and it's truly amazing how quick his tone changed with me.  At first it was all smiley faces and "baby" this and "baby" that.  

He can say I'm pushy and impatient because it's true.  HOWEVER, I'm only pushy and impatient with him because he makes me that way.  Men want to say women are crazy.  And, in some instances, I'm sure that may be the case.  But, you make us crazy too.  I wouldn't have to blow up your phone with calls and text messages worrying where you're at or why you're not answering me, if you'd just answer.  OR, tell me that you're just not into me anymore.  And, I wouldn't have to stop at your house unexpected if again, you'd answer me OR, tell me that you're just not into me anymore.  I wasn't looking for anything when I tried to find a website for his business.  I was intrigued.  AND, I wouldn't have looked to see if you were on FB if I didn't have a reason to want to find out why you just went bat-shit crazy overnight. 

Now with all of that being said.  A real honest man wouldn't push me to have to Google shit about him. And, if I did Google him he wouldn't be bothered by it because he'd know I wasn't going to find anything.  I know that.  I'm not stupid.  

I know I'll let it go eventually, but it's just so hard for me to wrap my mind around how amazing he was and then how he just changed overnight.  It makes me sad and it breaks my heart.  

I do feel like I won't hear from him anymore now.  And, that's sort of a relief.  I won't be checking my phone every five seconds.  

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Still Trying To Figure It All Out

After yet another failed attempt at a relationship with a boy, I'm left with all sorts of questions, thoughts, and emotions. Boy did I really like him. It's amazing the feelings you can develop over just a week. Especially, when you spend so much time together. As always, I don't know what happened. And, I probably never will. I've learned over the years that you can sit back and analyze every single word and every single detail, and you may still never get the answers you're looking for.  People just aren't what you perceive them to be sometimes.

 I always read these quotes about how if you're not happy with yourself, then you won't be happy with someone. I have no doubt that is true. During dinner last night with a girlfriend, I asked her if there was anything she wasn't saying. Like, something I'm not seeing in myself in my attempt at finding a relationship. She said, no. She said exactly what those quotes say. I, myself, have to find happiness. That has been my number one struggle for as long as I can remember. What will make me happy? What does make me happy? I told her that I'm not longing to have children. I'm not longing to own a house. Career wise, I wish I was making more money and, of course, had health insurance. I like my job though and I have a great boss. So, what makes me happy? I do love being home, reading, watching my TV shows, being with my family, and doing dinner with my girlfriends. I am longing for that one person though. I miss having all that goes along with having a relationship.

Everyone says God has a plan for us. That we just have to trust God and believe he will take care of us. Don't get me wrong, I believe in God. Sometimes, and more so lately, I feel like we believe in God to give us some sort of hope. To give us some sort of comfort in knowing that everything will work out. It's kind of like when something shitty happens, people say, "everything happens for a reason." It's a way of saying that something shitty did happen and no one knows why. What I do know is that I'm sad, lonely, and tired of hurting.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

All a Board the Crazy Train

It's been a whirlwind of a week to say the least.  I met this guy on May 3rd at Champions.  He was basically everything I wanted physically.  He dressed nice. He had that edge to him that I love.  But, he was smart, educated, and self-employed.  I mean do these types of guys really exist?  We hung out Friday until about 12:30 at Champions which was definitely spur of the moment.  Saturday, we made a date for 6:00 p.m. to eat at Olive Garden.  When I got there, he was already there.  Which is major for me.  We had an amazing time.  After dinner, we decided we'd rent a movie but first we were going to drop his car off at my apartment.  When we got to my apartment, we got sucked into over two hours of The Big Bang Theory.  OH, and when he got out of the car, he had a dozen peach roses for me.  We went to McDonald's about 10:00 p.m. and got him some coffee.  We got back to my apartment and watched Silver Linings Playbook (which we both loved).  He stayed until maybe 1:00 or 2:00.  Sunday, we decided on Chinese for dinner.  Since he's new to Fort Wayne, I decided I'd go pick him up and we would go eat.  I did have a motive behind wanting to go pick him up.  I wanted to see if he'd be like "Well, I'll be at my boy's house. You can pick me up there."  I wanted to see if I'd actually pick him up where he told me he lived.  And, he did.  When he got into the car, he had a huge lollipop for me and a poem.  We go to get Chinese (he paid again -- he also paid for Olive Garden) and again, had an amazing time.  I took him back home and we sat in the car for about 45 minutes.  Monday, he came over after work and yet again, we had an amazing time.  We just sat and watched TV and talked.  He definitely makes me laugh.  Tuesday, we didn't get together.  Wednesday, he came over and he wasn't feeling all that well.  He had a tooth ache and had taken some pain medicine that was making him groggy.  We decided on soup/salad for dinner at Olive Garden.  We came back to my place and again just hung out and cuddled.

Let me say this too.  When we were together, he said the sweetest things.  He always told me how nice of a time he was having.  That he hadn't felt this way about anyone in a long time.  Sometimes, I had to make myself not roll my eyes.  Just because I'm so used to the bullshit, that it's hard to believe when someone is being genuine.  Like Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman, "the bad stuff is easier to believe."

Thursday we decided to make plans as well because he was going to be out of town from Friday until Sunday.  Well Thursday rolled around and I texted him in the morning and said I was going to tell my sisters about him.  This was a conversation we had the night before about telling people.  He responded and said that made him happy.  I sent this long email to my two sisters raving about him.  Thursday afternoon rolls around and I texted him about 4:00 and asked if he was going to eat before he came over.  I got no response.  To sum up the rest of the night, I never heard from him.  I called.  I texted.  I told him that if he was sleeping to call me no matter what time it was.  So, he called me at 5:00 a.m. on Friday morning.  He said he had went to the dentist and gotten some pain meds and they knocked him out.  I had no reason to not believe him.  He asked me to lunch so that we could see each other before he left.

Lunchtime rolls around and I leave to go meet him.  To sum up the next hour or two (because it's too much typing and because thinking about it exhausts me), he never showed for lunch. I called he didn't answer.  He called back.  We fought and he hung up on me... twice.  I have no idea where his anger came from.  He said he had been throwing up from the pain meds.  I said I wished he'd of called me before noon to tell me he wasn't coming.  So, he ignores like the next hour of my phone calls and texts.  I finally call back about 4:00 and he answers.  He's apparently getting on the road to leave.  So we talk again.  And, we fight.  He basically thinks he did no wrong.  He is still yelling at me.  I finally hung up on him.  No one is going to talk to me like that or take that tone.  So, I get some nasty text message about how I hung up on him and so he's done.  Excuse me? You hung up on me twice earlier.  I call back twice and he finally answers.  The conversation did not go any better.  He couldn't hear me so told me to call back when I got off of work.  I called when I got home and he said he was using his GPS and he'd call me when he stopped.

I never heard from him.  Saturday afternoon rolls around he texted me and said he was thinking about me and so we went back and forth for a bit.  He even apologized! Said he wanted nothing more than to be with me.  He called me later and we talked and I told him he can't take that tone with me and talk to me like that. He acknowledged what he had done (which I was shocked) and said that some of the things he said he said out of anger.  Again, I was shocked.  We had a really nice conversation.  He said he was going to take a nap and would call me later.

Never heard from him.  On Sunday, I called.  I texted.  Sunday night, I basically said I was done because I wasn't going to live my life always wondering what he was doing.  He texted me right back and said he had just gotten out of the studio and he didn't know his phone wasn't getting service.  He said some other nasty things.  Not sure what fucking turnip truck he thinks I just fell off of.  I never responded.

Since Sunday, he has texted me on Monday and Tuesday telling me how much his heart hurts.  Monday, I responded with "mine too."  Tuesday we texted back and forth very briefly and then he just stopped.  And, another day I spent calling and texting and no response.  Last night, I sent one final message that was quite lengthy and I haven't heard from him.  I hope he just leaves me alone at this point.  I'm done playing his games and listening to his sob story about how he lost me and how much his heart hurts.

Monday, May 13, 2013

First Stop; the Crazy Train

I've said it before, and I'll say it again people.  I cannot make this stuff up.

Probably the first time I got on this specific dating website, I met this guy (not in person).  I don't really recall what happened.  I do recall he has a son and that posed a conflict with us trying to get together because of our work schedules too.  Over the course of the time that I have set up my online account and deleted and repeat, I haven't heard from him.  Well, about two weeks ago he emailed me.  He said he still wanted to try to meet up.  I said, I would be open to that.  We got back to our conflict though.  I work 8 to 5, and he works part second and third shift so he leaves shortly after I get off of work.  He also has his son a lot on the weekends.  So, we definitely have a scheduling issue.  I even mentioned doing lunch one day and he never addressed the issue.  I heard from him a week ago.  We texted nonsense back and forth but nothing was mentioned about getting together.  

Now today... 

Guy: "G" 
Me: "M" 

G: Hey what are you doing today? 

M: I'm working :(  

G: Oh...well never seems like we will meet.  Every time I ask you don't respond.  So take care.  I tried. If you ever change your mind let me know. 

M: I never respond? I haven't gotten any msgs from you until today. And I work everyday from 8 to 5 and you leave at 6, right? Last time we texted I mentioned doing lunch because I work 8 to 5 or doing something on a weekend when you don't have your son.  So, needless to say I'm confused by your text msg. 

G: And I've text 3 or 4 times since then. 

M: You have???? I promise you I have not gotten them.  I know that's so clique to say, " I didn't get your msgs" but I promise you I haven't. 

G: Yeah it's cool. 

M: It doesn't make sense that I'd ignore you and now respond.  So I guess you choose to believe me or not. I've always been up to meeting you.  I just know our schedules are crazy.  

G: Your messages are backwards. 

M: How so? 

G: The end of your messages u get first.  (assuming he meant "I" instead of "u") 

M: ?? I think my phone is sabotaging me.  Ha.  I don't know why they would be backwards. 

G: It's fine. 

M: Well you're clearly already irritated with me.  So it doesn't matter what I say.  All I know is I haven't gotten any texts from you.  

Did this guy get off work this morning ready to start a fucking fight with me or someone who'd partake?  What the fuck was the point of texting me in the first place?  A) According to him, I hadn't responded to his last 3 or 4 text messages; B) If he wasn't going to move past it if I did respond, then why waste your time and mine?

I don't know what guys want.  Honestly, I can't even put that on just "guys."  People don't know what they want.  Maybe he was looking for me to beg to forgive me that I hadn't responded to his messages and to please find time to see me.  Why the fuck would I do that?  And, why don't you pout some more?  I mean the "Yeah it's cool" and "It's fine" messages are so fucking lame and immature.  He's lucky I had some tact and didn't go off.  Good Lord.