I feel like I've been dreaming more than I ever have. I also feel like I've had some of the most vivid dreams I've ever had. And, I feel like I've had more dreams that somehow relate to my life whether subconsciously or consciously. Some of the dreams have literally given me horrible anxiety all day. You know those dreams that stay with you all day long?
I blogged in the past about a dream I was having about gum (click here to read). I'm still having that dream. I'm not sure it's gum that's getting stuck in my mouth though. It's like I'm pulling my tongue out and the more I pull the more it starts to hurt (gosh, typing that makes me sound a bit crazy).
Recently, I had a dream about Carlos calling me and asking me if we could talk. I'm not sure how long ago I had that dream. I mean it's been within weeks, but I literally throughout the days have to stop and remind myself that it was just a dream. I can't seem to get the mindset that he didn't really call.
I can't remember if I blogged about this in the past or not, but I also dream about Joey frequently. It's the same type of dream too. It's like he "comes back" and no one knows how long he'll be here for. I call and I call and he won't return my calls. I text him and get no return text messages. There's never a resolution or ending to the dream. But it's always the same concept. I think to myself sometimes that if he hadn't passed away and was just away and he came back, would he want me in his life. I think if he did, I would scoop him up and never let him out of my sight again. Sometimes I wonder if he was still here if we'd be married or even together. I have no doubt that we'd be friends. But I'm not sure if we'd be more than friends.
My biggest fear is that no one will ever love me the way he did.