Wednesday, September 22, 2010

June 25, 2000 - Day 3 of 10

If you've never had a pet in your life, you're really missing out. I always had cats growing up. We had Oreo, Kacy, Tyler and Molly. Tyler and Molly we had until they were put down. Oreo ran away and Kacy we had to get rid of because she kept peeing in the house.

When I lived with my sister (on Wonderboy Way - like I said before, you just can't make up something that ridiculous) our neighbors' parents had some kittens. I'm not sure how it came about, but my sister mentioned it to me, and I instantly wanted to go see them. At the time, I was dating Nic, so he went with us. I don't remember how many kittens there were. I don't think there were that many. I do remember one kitten that wasn't ready to leave her Mom yet. I instantly knew which kitten I wanted, so she came home with us that day (if I only knew what I know now - ha). On the way home, we were trying to figure out what to name her. I knew in the back of my mind that I wanted to name her Cierra. When I worked at Target, there was a mother and daughter that would always come in, and her daughter's name was Cierra. I had never heard that name before (this was before Ciara the musician was popular), and I loved it. When thinking of what to name my new kitten, I was hesitant to name her Cierra, because I always thought I would name my child that. Why I wanted to save the name is beyond me, because I've never wanted kids. I must had told Nic that at one point, because on the way home, he says why don't you name her Cierra. I didn't even think twice, and I said OK!

When Nic and I went to the 4th of July fireworks that year, she went with us. She sat on the blanket in the grass the whole night. I wish I had a scanner, so I could post the pictures from that day. She was such a good kitten.

I know it may sound crazy, but an animal provides the most unconditional love. I've had her since she was old enough to leave her Mom. I'm all she knows, and I love it. She's been the best animal ever. I can't believe I've had her for over ten years. She is such a cuddle bunny (as I type this she's laying on the couch with me). She follows me every where I go (even outside). She is definitely mouthy though. She meows all the time, and just like this morning, she was in my bed hitting me with her paw because she apparently thought it was time to get up. When I'm sick, she sits in the bathroom with me. When I cry she sits with me.

She keeps me on my toes too because she's constantly coming up with new stuff to do. For a while, she would run towards the front door and slide into the rug. If I fixed it, she would do it again. She always tries to steal my hair rubber bands. She loves playing with my finger nail filer. Really, anything she's not supposed to play with, she does. The other day she walked into the bathroom, and I had just combed out my hair, so there was hair all over the floor. She walked in, and some hair got stuck on her paw so she shakes it to try to get it off, and then turns around and starts playing with the hair on the floor. I remember when I moved into the apartment I live in now, I put her in the bathroom, and shut the door so she wouldn't get in the way of moving. When I went to go get her, she wasn't in the bathroom (so I thought). My Mom, Joey and I looked everywhere for her. How in the world did she get out of the bathroom? Joey went back in the bathroom and opened up the cabinet, and there she was. She had opened the door with her paw and climbed in. To this day, I can be watching TV, and I'll hear the cabinet door shut. She hasn't climbed back in, but she tries to open the ones in the kitchen too. When Joey lived with us, she would sit on the couch with him while he did his treatments. I think she liked the feeling of his vest vibrating. It kept her warm probably.

I do consider this one of the ten best days of my life because she is such a great animal and I love when she's waiting at the door for me when I come home.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

December 22, 1999 - Day 2 of 10

I may not have any children of my own, but I definitely feel like having nieces and nephews comes in close second. My love for my nieces and nephews is very deep. Although I do like the city of Fort Wayne for what it is, my nieces and nephews are a huge part of why I still live here.

I have two nieces and two nephews, but like having a child, I think the first born always holds a special place in your heart. I remember when my sister told me she was pregnant with Morgan. We were living in the double-wide trailer on Wonder Boy Way (you just can't make something like that up), and we were getting ready to go to my Mom and Jay's. I was putting on my shoes, and my sister told me she was pregnant (I was the first person they told). My eyes instantly teared up and I was so excited.

I don't remember what I did the day Morgan was born, but it was a Wednesday, so I'm sure I was in college and had to work. I do, however, remember holding Morgan for the first time. I thought she was the most beautiful baby in the world and I knew I would be a part of her life forever. I remember thinking, "why am I crying holding this baby?" But, it was just an uncontrollable emotion I couldn't stop.

After Morgan came home from the hospital, I remember she would fall asleep on my chest while we laid in my bed, and then Jennifer would come get her to put her in her crib when she was ready to go to bed. I always wanted to keep her with me, but Jennifer would never let me (damn, sisters). We eventually moved to the house on Plymouth, and I will never forget Saturday and Sunday mornings she would come knock on my door to wake me up. At the time, she wasn't tall enough to open up my bedroom door, so she would stand outside knocking yelling "RAE RAE RAE RAE..." I would then hear Jennifer come get her, and tell her that I was sleeping. As much as I wanted to sleep, I could never get mad at her for waking me up.

The day finally came for me to move into my own apartment, and I was so worried about telling Morgan I wasn't going to be living with her anymore. We sat down in the living room, and I told her that I was going to be moving into my own house. She seemed to be OK with it (now when I tell her that story she says she doesn't remember).

I will always hold a special place in my heart for Morgan because she was my first born niece. But, I love them all the same as if they were my own kids.

Morgan Kay - 12/22/1999
Olivia Anne - 08/30/2005
Evan Daniel - 01/03/2007
Ethan Chandler - 06/01/2009

April 18, 2003 - Day 1 of 10

I've recently started reading a new book. It's called "The Ten Best Days of My Life" by Adena Halpern. Much to my surprise, it's about a Twenty-Something woman who got hit by a mini cooper, and died. If she wants to stay in "7th Heaven," she must write an essay of the ten best days of her life. It got me thinking - what are the ten best days of my life? It's not as easy as it seems coming up with ten days, but here is my first.

The day was Friday, April 18, 2003. At the time I was 23 years old, and very much into going out every weekend. My friend Jessica and I had talked about getting our belly buttons pierced, (no, that's not why it's one of my best days) so we went to Grade A Tattoo over by Piere's. By the way, I was the only one who left with a hole in their belly button that day(that's one of the reasons Jessica's nickname is SmallFry). I can't remember if we went shopping that night too or had previously gotten our outfits for that night, but I remember we both had on knee length jean skirts, nude colored sandals and matching blue tank tops that had two fingers making the peace sign. I forget who it was, but a friend of ours had thrown their fingers up into the peace sign, and said "two fingers in the air like a player." So, it was an inside joke within our group. Of course, when we saw the tank tops at the mall, we had to have them. We went to Piere's that night, which was not out of the ordinary for us to do on a Friday night. Surprisingly, we got a lot of attention for looking like twins. A lot of people actually thought we were twins (even with her long blonde hair and my short brown hair). I was in The Zone walking around, and I saw this guy that I recognized. Needless to say, I thought he was adorable (OK, hot). It took me a minute to remember how I recognized him; he worked at Autozone (I'll get to that day in a minute). I lost him in The Zone, and was frantically looking for him. I finally spotted him, and went up and grabbed his arm and said, "do you work at Autozone?" He proceeded to tell me that he used to work at Autozone, but now worked for Citilink. I introduced myself and he said his name was Joey. The rest of the night we were inseparable. We danced together and held hands. The rest is history as most of you know.

Now, you're probably asking why isn't the day I met him at Autozone one of the ten best days of my life? Well, main reason being is that I couldn't tell you when it was I met him at Autozone. I'm not sure if it was six months or a year prior to seeing him at Piere's. But, I'm thankful for that day my check engine light came on, and my Dad sent me to Autozone so they could plug that machine into my car to see what was wrong. I can however, tell you every detail of how that day went. Like I said, my check engine light came on in my Pontiac Grand Am (which was not unusual). I called my Dad, and he said to take it to Autozone. I remember wearing a jean dress and those same nude sandals (WOW -- never thought about that before). I always feel uncomfortable going into Autozone, and it didn't help that I had a short dress on. So, I walk into Autozone, and wait for Joey to finish up with the customer in front of me. I remember how tan he looked (of course he was because he's Mexican), and he had on this gold bracelet that said "Jose" on it and a square gold and silver watch (which became known as the fun bracelet and fun watch). I told him that my check engine light was on, so he walked outside, and plugged the machine up to my car. We walked back inside, and he tried to tell me what was wrong with my car. I didn't understand anything he was telling me. So, I call my Dad at home, and have him tell me again what's wrong with my car so I can repeat it to my Dad. Still not translating the information correctly, I hand "Jose" (known as Joey when I met him at Piere's) the phone and have him talk to my Dad. After hanging up the phone, Jose proceeds to tell me that he gets off at 6 o'clock, and he could come fix my car. Although, I don't remember my response, I know I smiled at him and he returned that great big smile he's so known for. (And, no I don't remember what was wrong with my car, so don't ask).

That day at Autozone could be considered one of the ten best days of my life, but I consider April 18, 2003 to be an even better day because once meeting Joey at Piere's we were best friends forever, and always will be. He truly is my soul mate and I love him with all my heart. He changed my life forever that day and taught me more about life and love than I can ever thank him for.

If what this book says is true, I look forward to seeing my best friend, Joey in heaven one day.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Unwarranted Opinions and Judgment

Wow. I've got a lot on mind lately. So much that I haven't been sleeping well. My dreams have been so much related to what's going on in my life and in my head on a daily basis. Sleeping for me is an escape, and I wish my mind would completely shut off, but I guess that's life.

I got a call yesterday for an interview in Indianapolis for Marion County. It would be working for the juvenile department. Although, the job could possibly be something I would like, I just can't see myself living in Indianapolis. Plus, with what the job is going to pay, I'm worried that the cost of living in Indianapolis would just be too much. But, I need a job so what do I do? I think I'll go to the interview and if I get a second interview that's great, but like I said, I just can't see myself moving there.

The other thing I've been stressing about is my extended family coming into town this weekend. Although, I don't have any particular reason to not want to visit with my family, I just don't consider them a part of my life. Should I be more open to allowing them into my life? I feel like I'm so closed off to a lot of people, and that's by choice. As most people know, I don't hide my feelings very well, and I just feel like if I attend the family gathering, it would be a fake act on my part.

I swear I used to be so good at making decisions. When did this all change? Maybe the older I'm getting the more difficult the decisions I need to make are, or maybe I'm just losing my decision making skills in my old age. Ha. Either way, I wish I could talk to someone who could provide an unbiased opinion to these questions and thoughts I have going on in my mind.

Lately, I've been having a difficult time with the advice, or as I like to call it, the judgements that have been bestowed upon me. Contrary to what some people believe, I am whole heartedly grateful for what I have in my life. I go to bed and wake up everyday thankful that I have a roof over my head that I can stay at by myself. I am thankful for the material things that I have. I am also very grateful for the family and few great friends I have in my life. I'm grateful for the support team I have to get me through the tough times I've been going through. What I've had problems dealing with is the comments from others that I need to be grateful for what I do have and to not dwell on what I don't have. I'm not complaining about a pair of shoes or a purse I don't have. I don't have a job, which provides all of a person's security in life. Although, I may have that roof over my head, I'm not paying for it. I'm not working forty hours a week to provide that roof for myself. As of now, the government is doing that. And, the little things that have come up the past few months, I've had to rely on my parents for support. There are no words to describe how hard it is for me to ask for help with my bills. Until you have ever had to worry about how you're going to pay your bills or how you're going to get the courage to ask for help, please do not pass judgment on me or anyone. Do not tell me how to feel everyday when I wake up. I made a comment the other day on FB about being single. Of course, people want to say that I should be happy for the family and friends I have and that being single isn't that bad. Again, until you've been single for five or more years like I have been then please do not pass judgment or opinion. Of course, I would rather be single than be in an unhealthy relationship. They're right, being single isn't so bad, BUT it does get lonely. My family and friends cannot provide that companionship that a partner can. I miss sleeping with someone at night. I miss waking up to someone in the morning and spending a rainy Sunday afternoon on the couch vegging out all day. Those little phone calls and text messages throughout the day that bring a smile to your face.

So...please I ask you to not pass judgment on me or tell me what I should be grateful for or how to feel.