Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Bazooka

I keep having the same reoccurring dream, and I've heard (or maybe I read) that if you talk about your reoccurring dream then you won't have it anymore.

Let's test this theory...

I dream that I am chewing gum, and when I go to spit it out, it gets stuck in my teeth. So, I'm subjected to pulling it out with my fingers, which seems to always happen in front of strangers (and, a lot of strangers). When I start pulling it out, it just seems to go on forever. I don't think I've ever gotten it all out.

I wish I knew what this meant. From what is going on in my life, and what has gone on in my life for the past two years, I feel that it could possibly resemble my feelings towards being "stuck" in a rut.

I just hope this rut that I'm in ends soon cause my teeth are starting to hurt ;-)

Saturday, January 16, 2010

She's Back & Hotter Than Ever

Today, I picked up the new issue of Marie Claire, and read the article immediately featuring Christina Aguilera. To my surprise, Christina is going to be staring in her first movie, Burlesque, featuring Cher. Christina is also going to release her 4th album, Bionic.

I love music just like the next person, but I don't find myself getting real excited about any one artist. When Christina did her world tour for Stripped, I immediately fell in love with her. The album was fantastic, and her performance was breath-taking. Since then, I have followed everything she has done from attending her Back to Basics tour and her wedding to Jordan Bratman. I even got her Spanish CD, and I love that too. I think it helped being around a Spanish speaking family for over six years, but although I understand nothing she is saying, I still love it.

I think what I admire most about her is that she's not a headline every week on Perez Hilton or TMZ. I have a lot of respect for her, and wanting to keep her life private. She's not dancing on a bar next to Brittney and Lindsey every weekend because she's at home taking care of her son Max.

Excited about her up-coming releases in 2010!!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

To hold a grudge, or to not hold a grudge?

I sit and think often if I push people away that I've met throughout my life. I'm not one of those people that still have life long friends in my life. I don't talk to my childhood best friend. I don't speak to any of the four girls I ran around with in high school. I've actually learned that for some reason, one of those girls dislikes me quite a bit. I don't even know why we stopped talking in the first place. I find that when people hurt my feelings or we encounter some sort of confrontation that I just run away from it. Should I make more of an effort to fix our relationship than just run from it? For example, I have one friend who hurt my feelings more than words can express when I was going through the loss of Joey. My Dad tells me I need to forgive her. Although, he may be right, I think we've both changed, and we wouldn't be able to remain friends even if I did forgive her. But, should I forgive her for my own well-being? I feel like if I forgive her, I'm saying what she did was OK. I feel like if I forgive her, somehow Joey will know I let her get away with what she did and say. Maybe I don't know how to forgive? Can forgiveness be taught, cause I could sure use a lesson. I've had another friend since I worked at my first law firm. She's always been there for important events in my life or whenever I needed a friend to talk to. I always considered her a "big sister." Suddenly, she just stopped speaking to me. Do I attempt to find out why, or just let it be? Sometimes, I feel like trying to resolve the issue takes so much more energy then just letting things be.

I guess what is bringing on all these hypothetical questions about forgiveness is that it's Saturday night and here I am sitting home all alone. I cannot remember the last time someone called me, and said, "hey, what are you doing Friday/Saturday night?" Maybe it's because I don't have a job, and so they think there isn't anything for us to do. But, to be honest, I didn't have anyone calling me when I did have a job.

Tonight, I'm looking at my Facebook page and I have 180 friends. If I deleted my Facebook page tonight, how many of those 180 people would realize I deleted my page? I bet not many. For the first time in months, I actually made an attempt to see what a few people were doing tonight. Yep, all were busy. I guess it just sucks when you realize that you're not the first person people think of when they want to go out and have fun.

I know I have to take into consideration that a lot ... no, I'm sorry, ALL of my friends either have kids, boyfriends, married, or a combination. But, it still stinks that when they do want to get out, that I'm not on the top of their list to call and see what's up. I'm not sure if people think I'm exaggerating when I say I sit at home every weekend night, but I do.

I have to admit that there have been times when I've been invited to tag along to gatherings with certain people, and I've stayed home instead. But, the times I have put myself out there and tagged along, I don't seem to really have fun. These people are not my friends. They are not looking to make any new friends. And, I can't remember the last time I actually did something that I thought was fun.

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm a tough cookie to get along with. I don't open up to people well, and I don't put myself out there to really get a chance to open up to people. So, overall, I guess it's a lost cause.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Steve Harvey was on Dr. Phil today. I've seen him on other talk shows talking about his new book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. I think he has really good points about why women can't find a good man. He says every women should ask these five questions even before going on a date with a man.
  • What are your short-term goals?
  • What are your long-terms goals?
  • What are your views on relationships?
  • What do you think about me?
  • What do you feel about me?

Like me, most girls thought these questions were a little much before even going on a date with a man. Steve says that if a man really wants to go out with you, he will not have a problem answering these questions. Although, I agree, it will be hard to follow his "suggestion." I think this would prevent a lot of wasted time though. I do tend to find (or, I like to think, these men find me) men who live at home with their parents, have no job and no car. If I could get these five questions out before even going on the date, then I wouldn't end up wasting my time. Plus, I would know if they had a job or not, and whether or not I would be buying my own dinner.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Julie & Julia

I watched Julia Childs' movie today called "Julie & Julia." Super cute. Julie decided to blog while cooking her way through Julia Childs' cookbook. She felt that she never finished anything she started, and oddly enough she too, had just turned thirty years old. Although, I turned thirty over seven months ago, I feel like I'm in the same slump she was in. Perfect example. I was bored the other night and decided to read through some old letters I had saved from some friends. A stack of which I found from a friend Robert I had worked with at Target. To my surprise, he had put his email address in one of the letters. I decided to take a chance, and see if I put his email address into Facebook's search engine if I would find him. Now, remember I worked at Target over ten years ago. To my surprise, his profile popped right up. I immediately sent him an email and friend request. Probably within the next hour, I get an IM from him. I commented on his children being super cute, and he of course, returned the compliment to me. What he thought were my children, are actually my nieces and nephews. He now knows I'm single and have no children. What's the next question you ask someone you haven't spoken to in ten years? Well, of course it's "where are you working?" So, now I've already admitted to not having any family of my own, and now I have to explain that I, at thirty years old have no job. How embarrassing!?!? He on the other hand builds airplanes or helps fix them (but, what's the difference really).

I have to believe that 2010 is going to be better than 2008 and 2009. In 2008, not only did I lose my job at SKB&W, but I lost the most amazing person I've ever known, and will ever know. In 2009, I lost yet another job. I'm thirty years old. I should be in an established career doing what I love, or what I love enough to do until I retire. I should have a nice retirement plan started already. Yet, I have no job or any idea what would make me completely happy, and have no savings let alone a retirement plan.

I know that I can't keep setting around waiting for something amazing to happen in my life. I need to get out there and make the amazing happen to me. Yet, I can't seem to get off the couch and go find that amazing-ness.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Ringing in 2010

Happy New Year!!

I spent my 6th year with the Garcia and Carillo family. I love going to the Garcias' for NYE. It's always fun playing with the kids. I remember when Ale and Avi were younger, they would be so tired, but they always managed to stay up with us. Everyone's families have grown so much over the last 6 years.

I'm praying that 2010 brings me some much deserved happines. In 2008 I lost my best friend, got fired from my job, and in 2009 I spent 8 months at the worst job ever, and then got fired again. I need some joy and happiness in my life.

Cheers to 2010!