Monday, January 26, 2009

Sex Tape or Home Movie?

There has been so much hype behind the Kim Kardashian and Ray J sex tape that I was just so curious to see it. Plus, I’m absolutely in love with her. I’m a dedicated fan to Keeping Up With the Kardashians. So last night a friend and I went to Delmar Video and rented the infamous sex tape of Kim and Ray J. We go back to apartment and pop it in and get all comfy on the couch and with much anticpation start watching. The first scene is them having sex in bed with Ray J hitting it from the back and Kim laying on the bed talking to dirty to Ray J. First off, she keeps calling him "Ray J" ... is that really his name? Kinda thru me off. It was just a turn-off what she kept saying to him. She kept screaming "I’m cumming" -- which she screamed about 3 or 4 times in less than probably 5-10 minutes. I’m finding that hard to believe that she came that many times because he had to keep licking his fingers and getting her wet. Hmm?? It would have been nice if he would talk dirty to her. So this went on for a while and no position changes at all. Kinda boring, I must say. Moving on. The next I shit you not 45 minutes of the sex tape was a home movie of Kim and Ray J. It showed them on the plan to Cobo, their hotel in Cobo, swimming in Cobo, dinner, and clubbing in Cobo. We literally fast forwarded the majority of the movie after we realized it was a home movie. Then it pops up on the t.v. that we’re into a year later. What? Anyways... so they are in the hotel making out and Kim says "do you want me to put my makeup on -- I feel better when I have my makeup on?" Ray J is like do what you need to do. So she literally gets up from making out and goes on puts on a shit load of makeup. She comes back to bed and they are screwing around forever! They are drinking champange and talking and he’s recording her laying on the bed. It’s like just fuck already! Geez. So finally, he starts licking her pussy and of course she cums again like 2 times. Then she says, I’m going to turn off the tape. What? Seriously? So then we come back to them screwing around some more -- drinking, talking. Then she starts sucking his dick. Bad idea! I’ve never seen something so awful. Ray J has the biggest dick I’ve ever seen probably and this girl could not suck a dick if she tried. She put the very tip of it in her mouth and that was it. It’s like look -- if you’re going to suck dick at least try to fit the most of it in your mouth. If you’ve gotta gag a little then so be it. She was awful. So then they start having sex missonary style and she just lays there. Like her legs are just sitting there. Damnit, Kim, put your shit up in the air or on his shoulders! Get freaky. So then he flips her over and starts hitting it from the back again. This goes on for a little bit and I think she sucks his dick a few more times and then eventually the tape fucking ends. So literally in an hour of "sex tape" I think there was maybe a good 15-20 minutes of sex and the rest was home video? All I can say is "Delmar Video can I get a refund back please?"
Kim, darling, I still love you but you’re a lazy fuck and clearly need skills on giving head.
Also, I bet Reggie Bush is hitting that like none other and I really hope she is putting it on him because that is one fine ass black man right there and he needs someone that can do him justice. Yum!

No comments: