Monday, January 26, 2009

Sleepless in Fort Wayne

So Joey will be in IU Hospital two weeks on Friday. He still has the respirator in and they can't take it out because he's not breathing well enough yet for them to take it out. Since he has CF and he has to cough, and he obviously can't spit anything out because of the respirator down this throat, he sticks a tube in the little hole that is left in his mouth and sunctions out the mucus in his mouth he coughs up from his lungs. It's the worst image ever! In the three years, one month and 12 days I've known Joey, he's only progressively gotten worse. How much longer until he gets his transplant? Is he angry at me for not being there with him, does he wish I was with him, does he understand why? But my most important question is -- is he scared? Does he lie in bed thinking why me? Or does he live everyday to the fullest? I believe Joey lives everyday to the fullest and he's taught me more about life than anyone I've ever met. Why do things like this have to happen to the greatest people? He's the most caring, giving, sweetest, nicest person I've ever met so why him? Why is he still lying in this hospital bed only 24 years old with a respirator because his oxygen levels are not high enough to take it out?

BET Awards

I'm in the other room and I hear Kanye West announce Jamie Foxx getting ready to perform on the BET Awards so naturally I run into the other room and sit on the couch to watch him perform. I was so excited to see him perform. I have grown to LOVE Jamie Foxx. So he's singing DJ Play a Love Song and he's getting into it and I'm all smiling cause how you can NOT smile at Jamie Foxx... well then Fantasia's nasty ass comes out to sing with him. Okay, fine. I'll deal with it. I mean you couldn't get Mary J. Blige to sing with you or someone worthy enough. So she's prancing around on stage like she's Mary and then they come in close for you know that duo shot and he grabs her side and pulls her in (I swear he touched her ass -- which by the way was jiggling) and I'll be damned if they did not fucking kiss and I mean not just a little peck on the lips -- like thanks for hooking me up Fantasia and performing with me. Aw, hell no... they slipped each other the tongue. My mouth has never dropped open so fast and so wide before. I have never been so fucking disgusted and appauled in my life. She turns around to strut off stage and kinda leans back and looks at him and smiles and looks like "yeah bitches I just kissed Jamie Foxx!" WHATEVER! So then he does his thing and then he calls her back out on stage and she comes out and they finish the song together. ICK -- NOTE TO JAMIE: I'm sorry Jamie, but I don't know if I can marry you anymore since you just kissed Fantasia. I don't think she can sing and her voice is raspy and she's so not cute. I mean she has no hair. What are you going to hold on to when you're having hot, rough sex? I mean come on???? Sigh....

Weight Watchers for Cats?

My alarm goes off this morning which is my cell phone and I turn it off and leave my cell phone open and throw it down on my bed. My cat, Cierra gets up on the bed as a daily routine to help wake me up. She proceeds to lay down right next to me stepping on my cell phone which I ignore because I'm half asleep, tired and sick from my cold. Finally I decide to get up because I'm annoyed that she's hogging the bed anyways so I find the cell phone hidden underneath her fat ass and realize she's pushed the eight button four times so I clear it out to find that she's also hit send. I go to my dialed calls and see that she called Joey at 6:32. I'm sitting there still half alseep trying to figure out if that's this morning she did that. Sure enough because my phone starts ringing Christina Aguilera - "Aint's No Other Man" and it's Joey...

Me: Hello
Joey: Did you call me?
Me: No, Cierra's fat ass did! She sat on my phone and she must have hit send and called you.
Joey: Oh, okay I was just wondering why you were calling me at 6:30 a.m. I was worried.
Me: Sorry, yeah I wasn't call you, it was Cierra's fat ass. Sorry.
Joey: Damn, Cierra's fat ass, ha ha.
Me: Sorry, (again). Bye.
Joey: Bye.

Thank God, she didn't call anyone that would have made me look like a complete jackass or who would not have thought it was funny! So I guess the vet was right... Cierra does really need to lose three pounds. I better get her a leash and take her for a walk! May be she can start running with me on the treadmill and it can be therapeutic for both of us!

Fattys, Drunks and the Cops

Friday night my friend and I decided to go to Pieres to get our dance on. We get to the club at a good hour and start browing the place and just hanging out. The first thing I notice is all the fat girls at the club. They all have tight shirts on with their fat hanging over their pants. I mean was it fatty night? Seriously, it was disgusting! Not to mention, they are all making out with their 110 pound white nerdy ass boyfriends right in front of me. Their boyfriends are all rubbing on their girlfriends fat. It was so disgusting. I mean seriously, what is this world coming to? Hit the fucking gym for christ sakes. I know I'm not the most healthiest person but at least I'm not fat. I know I don't have a six pack, but at least my shit isn't hanging over my pants. And if you're going to be fat, learn how to dress and be sophisticated about it. Do you really need to wear a shirt that fits me? Do I really need to see the rolls hanging out of your shirt? Come on? That's not hot and you have to know this.

So we're walking in The Zone and I'm just looking around at the black men of course and all of a sudden I see this white girl come flying at me. She falls right into me and I have to catch her so that I don't go flying down on my ass. Not to mention, she fits the story above. Not a thin chick by any means. I was so pissed off. Her friends just looked at her like "OMG! What just happened"? What just happened you dumb fucks is that it's time to take your fucking friend home because she's to fucking drunk to stand up anymore.

We're walking out of the bathroom and walking behind the stage in the big part of Piere's and I see these two cops standing by the door to Club V. I ignore them of course and start to walk past them. The fat ass cop (see it was fatty night) steps in front of me and the conversation goes pretty much as follows:

Cop: How old are you?
Me: 28
Cop: Do you have id?
Me: Sigh.... yeah.
Cop: What is your dob?
Me: Sigh.... 7/5/79
Cop: Bending my id back and forth... this id feels really flimsy (hands it to the other cop
Me: Are you freaking kidding me???
Cop: Hey, watch the attitude, I'm just doing my job. What year did you graduate?
Me: Sigh.... 98!
Cop: (other cop still bending my id back and forth and finally gives it back to fatty) well I can't help it you look really young. Do you have any other id?
Me: Well that's not my fault!!! No!
Cop: You should take it as a compliment.
Me: Well I don't. You wanna kick some girls out that aren't 21 why don't you find these girls that we talked to in the bathroom earlier that told us they were not 21 yet. (and I describe them to the cops)
Cop: When did you last see them?
Me: I don't know, around 11:00-11:30
Cop: Alright, well go ahead but just know we're doing our job.
Me: Just walked away.

Are you FUCKING kidding me! I've been going to Piere's for 7 fucking years and I get carded. Hell fucking no. I was so pissed off I was shaking. Fucking cops. May be they should do their job and get the assholes that were walking around smoking weed. But no they would rather harrass the little white girl walking around with water in her hand. That makes a lot fucking sense. Bastards!

Suga Momma

Why is it that when I tell people I am a paralegal they think I make a huge salary? They also think it's some glamarous job that I go to work and do everyday from 8:30 to 5:00. They think that because I put on nice black pants and a dressy shirt everyday and work for lawyers it's a classy job. In someways I agree but in others it's just my job or as some would say my "career." I just think of it as a place I go to everyday from 8:30 to 5:00. My point being is that I don't make a huge salary every year. And the people that think I do is usually guys. Look, I may have a nice apartment and a nice 2007 car and nice clothes but I also have the finances that go along with those nice things. I have a rent payment, car payment, utilities, cable, credit card payments, and a huge amount of student loans that I pay every month for that so called glamarous job you think I have. I also have to buy groceries, tooth paste, shampoo, toilet paper, light bulbs -- stuff that you don't think about buying because your ass is still living at home with your Momma.

-- I really do have a point to this.

So this guy I've known for a short period of time asks me for some money the other day for a loan for something he needed. I told him flat out, I didn't have the money and I didn't get paid for another week. I wasn't even surprised he asked me. But, really what gives you the balls to ask some girl, who is not even your girlfriend for some money? And this just relates back to what I was saying above. What makes him think I have the money anyways? I am a single girl living on my own trying to make it work anyways. I am barely paying my bills and making it as it is and you wanna borrow some money from me? Please!

On another note, a few months ago, I go to dinner with some friends and I end up paying for dinner for a friend of mine with the assumption that next time I'll receive the same favor. Do you think that I've received dinner yet? What happened to the guy paying? Do these mothers not teach their sons any fucking manners anymore? First off, these mothers need to learn when to let their sons go. I moved out of my house when I was 18 years old. Why are these guys STILL living at home when they are 23-25 years old? Moms, kick your sons out! Let them go. Teach them to be independent. That's why they treat us girls like shit and we have to take care of them.

I'm just appauled lately. Why is it that every man I meet lately has a) no job b) no car c) lives at home or d) all the above. What makes you think that you can just go without a job? I have NEVER since I was 16 years old not had a job. It's never even been a thought in my mind to not have a job. What makes you think that you can just sit at home and do nothing? What gives you that God given right?

I did meet a man the other day that does have a job, does go to school and does have a nice car. I really hope that something comes of this because if you find a guy like that, they are definitely one in a million!

Sex Tape or Home Movie?

There has been so much hype behind the Kim Kardashian and Ray J sex tape that I was just so curious to see it. Plus, I’m absolutely in love with her. I’m a dedicated fan to Keeping Up With the Kardashians. So last night a friend and I went to Delmar Video and rented the infamous sex tape of Kim and Ray J. We go back to apartment and pop it in and get all comfy on the couch and with much anticpation start watching. The first scene is them having sex in bed with Ray J hitting it from the back and Kim laying on the bed talking to dirty to Ray J. First off, she keeps calling him "Ray J" ... is that really his name? Kinda thru me off. It was just a turn-off what she kept saying to him. She kept screaming "I’m cumming" -- which she screamed about 3 or 4 times in less than probably 5-10 minutes. I’m finding that hard to believe that she came that many times because he had to keep licking his fingers and getting her wet. Hmm?? It would have been nice if he would talk dirty to her. So this went on for a while and no position changes at all. Kinda boring, I must say. Moving on. The next I shit you not 45 minutes of the sex tape was a home movie of Kim and Ray J. It showed them on the plan to Cobo, their hotel in Cobo, swimming in Cobo, dinner, and clubbing in Cobo. We literally fast forwarded the majority of the movie after we realized it was a home movie. Then it pops up on the t.v. that we’re into a year later. What? Anyways... so they are in the hotel making out and Kim says "do you want me to put my makeup on -- I feel better when I have my makeup on?" Ray J is like do what you need to do. So she literally gets up from making out and goes on puts on a shit load of makeup. She comes back to bed and they are screwing around forever! They are drinking champange and talking and he’s recording her laying on the bed. It’s like just fuck already! Geez. So finally, he starts licking her pussy and of course she cums again like 2 times. Then she says, I’m going to turn off the tape. What? Seriously? So then we come back to them screwing around some more -- drinking, talking. Then she starts sucking his dick. Bad idea! I’ve never seen something so awful. Ray J has the biggest dick I’ve ever seen probably and this girl could not suck a dick if she tried. She put the very tip of it in her mouth and that was it. It’s like look -- if you’re going to suck dick at least try to fit the most of it in your mouth. If you’ve gotta gag a little then so be it. She was awful. So then they start having sex missonary style and she just lays there. Like her legs are just sitting there. Damnit, Kim, put your shit up in the air or on his shoulders! Get freaky. So then he flips her over and starts hitting it from the back again. This goes on for a little bit and I think she sucks his dick a few more times and then eventually the tape fucking ends. So literally in an hour of "sex tape" I think there was maybe a good 15-20 minutes of sex and the rest was home video? All I can say is "Delmar Video can I get a refund back please?"
Kim, darling, I still love you but you’re a lazy fuck and clearly need skills on giving head.
Also, I bet Reggie Bush is hitting that like none other and I really hope she is putting it on him because that is one fine ass black man right there and he needs someone that can do him justice. Yum!

What Really is Blogging for?

I’m not really sure what the purpose of blogging is for. Is it for the blogger’s opinon, knowledge, facts, update on their life? I hear about bloggers all the time, like I know Gilbert Arenas from the Washington, Wizards has a really popular blog that he writes on the NBA website but my point being is that this blog I’m writing is going to be just nonsense because I have some bitching to do and just random things to say. I think my blogs give me a chance to say things and just bitch so it kinda helps me get things off my chest. Anyways...

I’ve never really wanted kids and most people that know me really well already know this about me. But damn! I went to McDonald’s tonight with my sister and the kids (3 kids by the way --- 8, 2 and 14 months) so they could play in the playground. We meet each other there and mind you, it’s pouring rain outside tonight and freeeezing outside so I get the 2 year old out of the car and me, the 2 year old and the 8 year old head inside. I got semi-wet. So we go to leave and she buckles in the baby and I buckle in the 2 year old. Do you know how hard it is to buckle those effin seat belts? No, I don’t mind standing in the pouring down rain, freezing my ass off -- oh, did I mention the 2 two year old is yelling at me to put her head band back on that she got in her happy meal? Of course, all I can do is laugh at her because she’s so freaking cute. So we finally get all 3 kids loaded in the car and I get in my car with drenched hair and foggy glasses. This just confirms my need to not have kids. I love being with my nieces and nephew but damn, it’s nice to send them home and come home to peace and quiet.
I’m leaving Taco Bell yesterday and I’m sitting at the light at Coldwater to turn left (onto Coldwater) and there is a van in front of me. The light turns green and of course we have to wait for the traffic across from us to go straight until we can go. So we’re waiting and the van proceeds to turn and I’ll be damned that when it started turning they decided to then turn on their turn signal. I was like, really? I just looked it up online because honestly in 12 years (damn, I’m old) of driving I forgot how many feet you’re supposed to turn your signal on but it says 100 feet. Please explain to me what the purpose is of turning your signal on while you’re turning? Isn’t the point of using your turn signal is to SIGNAL YOUR INTENT TO TURN??? People are so freaking stupid when they drive. And the more I notice people on their cell phones, I really think they should ban them from driving and talking because people really are shitty ass drivers while talking on the phone. I just was flabbergasted by that van signaling while turning. I mean how stupid can you be?
I think I’m getting old for real. Yesterday when I got home from work, I spent an hour literally, looking for a new song to put on my MySpace page. First off, there isn’t really any songs on the radio right now that I absolutely love. None of the songs that I really like are on any of the artist’s pages because they are all older songs. I searched through the rap pages and the r&b pages and found nothing. I sat here and spaced out trying to think of something that I really loved and could not think of anything. Sometimes when I’m driving, I just turn the radio off because I’m listening to 107.9 or 96.3 and the songs they play on the radio, I just cannot even grasp. I feel like I’m starting to sound like my Mom or Dad. I think I’ve also realized why I don’t really like going clubbing anymore. Everyone knows that I don’t drink and when I go out, I love to dance. That’s my thing. When I used to go clubbing Thursday through Saturday night, we would dance from 11:00 p.m. until the club closed down. They would have to kick us out. Now, I can’t wait to leave at like 1:00. But I was thinking last night, that I don’t get into dancing anymore and it’s because the songs are not as good anymore. I remember dancing to Nelly (It’s Getting Hot in Herre), Jagged Edge (Where’s the Party At), Christina Aguilera (Dirrty), 112, Faith Evans, 50, So So Def All Stars (Freak Like Me), Ass & Tities, Shake That Ass Bitch. Oh my god, I could go on and on. Those were the club bangers right there. Now, when I go to Piere’s -- at like 1:30 a.m. - 2:00 a.m., they start playing that screaming rap shit (see, I do sound like my Mom and Dad) and I don’t know any of those songs. You can’t dance to that shit. What happened to the r&b stuff that you could bob your head to and get all your friends in a circle and just break it down? That’s what makes it fun. I think that’s what changed for me. Now, I’m really going to sound stuffy. What the fuck is up with some of these rap artist’s names? I know most of you are not going to agree and that’s fine but really, think about? Like for example, Webbie, Lil Boosie, Shawty Lo and Plies. You get my point. When these rap artists are around for 10 years like Snoop, Jay and Luda then I might have some respect for them and give their name some consideration, but until then, I just consider them a one hit wonder who got Luda to do a verse on their single (ex: Shawty Lo). Was that harsh? Oops.
OMG! Charles Barkley and Dwayne Wade have a new T-Mobile commercial. How fucking exciting is that? I just saw it on t.v. during the Nuggets game. Those are the best commercials ever! I mean how could you not love watching Dwayne Wade in a commerical?
I just wanna say to Stacia and Sarah that you were right about putting on a smile while at work and being nice to everyone. There is a but though... I do like my job more and I do like my bosses a lot better than working for that horrible woman I used to work for and I have a lot more respect for the 4 bosses I work for now. But when you go to work and put a smile on your face and never get shitty or get an attitude with your boss, the day goes much smoother and the day is less stressful. My bosses absolutely love me and I totally kiss their ass and it so works. High five girls!!!!
Last but not least ...
Is it possible to get a sugar overload from drinking a small sweet at work, 2 medium sweet teas from Fazoli’s and two large sweet teas from McDonald’s in one day? I think I’ve got the shakes from the sugar. Is that possible?


After work tonight I went to my Dad's to drop something off. We're in the kitchen and I'm sitting at the bar stool and he's standing at the kitchen counter. The conversation started because I asked him if he ever got a tattoo what would he get. The conversation continued to him telling me about a guy he worked with and his father passing away and then his brother passing away and the guy getting a tattoo of his father in his military uniform on his arm and him showing it to my Dad and the tattoo looked exactly like the picture. The guy told my Dad he didn't show his tattoo to many people but he wanted to share it with my Dad. Well then my Dad started talking about losing his parents and his sister to drinking and how he didn't know how she could have drank her life away. Then he proceeds to turn around and look at the refrigerator and there was Joey's picture which I had not noticed was there and it was the picture that was given at the showing and my Dad just literally started crying. He started going on about how Joey was the most courageous person he had ever meant and how he was angry at first but now he's not angry anymore. He talked a lot about God and how you can't question why God took Joey from us and that it was just his time to go. Literally, this went on for a good 15-20 minutes. The tears are just streaming down my Dad's face. He said Michele (my step-mom) even reminded me of the time that Joey called me on Father's Day (which by the way I don't think I even knew that. Joey was always doing things with my family that I didn't know about). So as my Dad is crying and pouring his heart out, I'm just sitting there. I had no idea what to say. Then he starts crying even more when he tells me that he had a dream the other night and Joey tells him that he's going to take care of me and watch over me. My heart just broke. All I could do is sit there and listen to my Dad and let him get his feelings out and then we hugged.

Broke men, food stamps, and baby mama drama?

Now this one is gonna make you laugh cause I sure got a good giggle out of it.
Okay so this guy and I went to a movie on July 3rd and then we went to another movie on July 7th. I didn't talk to him again until July 10th and that was just through texting which btw he just wanted me to bring him some food to his house and watch a movie. But July 10th was a Thursday and it was late so I didn't go over there because I had work the next day. So, the next day (July 11th) I text him to see if he wanted to do something that night being that it was a Friday. He declined the offer.

Okay, I haven't heard from him now for two weeks until today and let me type out our text messaging conversation today:

GUY: 6:04 a.m. - Just know I aint forgot bout u ok just busy wt this job and all promise
GUY: 9:46 p.m. - Whatcha doin
ME: 9:52 p.m. - Just finished my book. What are you doing?
GUY: 9:55 p.m. - Sittin here about to ask u a HUUUUUGE favor
ME: 9:55 p..m. - What's that?
GUY: 10:01 p.m. - Me and my kids are at my crib and starvin cause I don't get paid til fri. and have nothin can you order me some food pls. Medium meatlover. Cheesy sticks wit cheese sauce and extra maranera sauce. And order of hott wings thall lastt us till weds morning PLS. My address _____________ Pizza hut 260 432 0611
ME: 10:03 p.m. - Are you serious? I haven't heard from you in weeks and then you txt me today to order you food. What makes you think I wld do that?
GUY: 10:09 p.m. - Hello can u look out or no hun
GUY: 10:11 p.m. - First off its been a week secondly I texted u this morning and third cause ur nice person and my last option
GUY: 10:13 p.m. - Real talk ull get paid back in full asap in some form
GUY: 10:14 p.m. - And they close at 11 so pls asap itt would be greatly appreciated not forgotten and paid bacck asap
ME: 10:14 p.m. - No, it's been two weeks and wow, you txt me this morning... I'm sorry I'm your last option but I'm not a bank.
GUY: 10:19 p.m. - Can you atleast say ok or no
ME: 10:19 p.m. -
GUY: 10:23 p.m. - Its one freakin favor I understand if I always as but its once Damn thanks ur just going to let me and my kids starve for the night wow guess u wasn't as nice as I thought u were
An addition from last night ... apparently I wasn't the only one he asked to help him out.
GUY: 11:14 p.m. - Imma be honest all yall should delete me out ur life cause I treat people how I want to be treat and alays look out for friends if I can no hesitation and those are the friends I want and that's not u and startin tonight the people who said thy was my friends people who said they cared bout me and didn't look out for me and my fuckin KIDS will see a whole knew attidue wit ____ so u sould just delete me out ur life cause u will not like what I will become thanks for fucking nothing FRIENDS


I just went back and re-read some of my blogs and I have written about this topic quite a lot it seems. As most of you know, I have been single for almost three years now. I haven't had a boyfriend since Joey and I broke up. I continue to put myself out there and meet new guys and try to get to know them and pursue a relationship but it's just absolutely ridiculous what kind of luck I'm having.

I know everyone probably read my blogs that I wrote about a few guys asking me for money after not knowing them for very long and it just continues to get better and better.
I'm not sure if it's a good thing that I keep putting myself out there or if it's just enough. Recently, I met this guy and we were going to go out to eat on a Friday night. He was going to shower and get ready and so was I. I did my hair and make-up and got all cute and called him when I was ready to go. Do you think he answered his phone when I called? Nope. So I text him a few minutes later and asked him if he was alive. He finally called me back about a half hour later and said that his friend was having problems with the wifey and he had to go get him. I tried to be understanding but it was just really hard for me. I told him I was going to eat dinner without him and he said he would call me in a bit. So this was probably about 8:00ish and he text me at 10:30 and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was just chilling and watching t.v. He never text me back. So, the next day I hear from him and he apologized and blah blah. We ended up making plans again to go to a movie. He ends up texting me and says he doesn't have money for a movie but he still wants to see me. I finally gave in and just invited him over for a movie. He comes over and I was starving so I ordered pizza and breadsticks for us. Clearly, he didn't have any money so I just paid. The story of my life. Needless to say, he's got quite the baggage and I'm just not feeling it. You break plans with me once and then re-nig on your offer to take me to a movie. I'm over it.

OK, so I met this guy over the summer briefly at a club in Fort Wayne, It was kind of awkward how we ran into each other but I got his card and found him on MS and we emailed a few times but nothing special. He actually doesn't live in FW so we never made plans to meet up. Wednesday, he emails me and says he's in FW and wanted to know if I wanted to get together. We made plans for Thursday night to go to BW's and eat some food. I told him I had to babysit from 6:00 to about 7:30 and if I were to run late I would call him since we were meeting at 8:00. He ended up texting me and saying he was getting his hair cut and was running late but would be there at 8:40. I text him back and just told him to call me when he was on his way. He text me a little before 9:00 and said that his cousins car wouldn't start and he had to give him a jump and would be on his way. Fine. I ended up just starting to drive to BW's thinking he would be along shortly. He texts me again and says the car won't start so he has to take his cousin home. He kept apologizing and saying he was never late and would I forgive him. I never really responded to any of that. I get to BW's about 9:00 and just sat in the parking lot and sent some emails. In the meantime, he is texting me and asking me if I work the next day and if I still want to meet. I told him no, I didn't work and that I was starving and still wanted to meet up. He said Ok, and was on his way. That was at 9:15. I figured he would be there about 9:30ish cause it really doesn't take more than about 20 minutes to get anywhere in FW. Well I ended up getting a few more texts about how to get to BW's and if he passed this road and that road. I tried calling him because I thought it was quite ridiculous he was texting me and not just calling for directions. Well about 9:45 (yep, a half hour later) I text him and ask him if he's close cause he said a half hour ago he would be there. He text back and said 5 minutes. Well 10 minutes later I text him and said something to the effect that obviously, he wasn't getting any closer and I was going to just leave and go get Taco Bell and go home. So, my ass left. Remember, I've now been sitting in BW's parking lot for an hour. I pulled out and I passed him but just kept going. He text me and said he was there but I just kept driving. He ended up calling me and I told him I would turn around. So, my dumbass goes back. We ended up having a really really good time and watched the Colts game and ate some food. The waitress brings the check and he doesn't grab it or anything. Well minutes keep passing and finally I said well I only have a debit card and he said me too. Still NO offer of paying. I said well we can just have her split the bill and he was okie dokie with that! I was so pissed off. You ask me out and then we split the bill? Oh, the story gets better! Today I text him and asked him how his day was going and we just were shooting the shit back and forth and then he's like do you cook? To myself, I laughed but I said well what do you want? He says well what do you like to cook? I told him a few things and oh, he wanted to know what I baked (again, I laughed cause my ass doesn't cook OR bake). Well he ends up texting me back and said well how about you come pick me up and then make tacos and some chocolate chip cookies. I was like um, I thought you had a car? He said he took the train here so his car was at home. No effin idea whose car he was driving but I guess that's neither here nor there at this point. I text him back and asked him if he was going to buy the groceries. He text me back and said we can split the groceries. I just died fucking laughing. I text him back and told him I didn't have any money right now (which I don't) and didn't get paid till next week. This son of a bitch text me back and says he's going to hang out with his cousin right now and may be we could hang later. Yeah, haven't heard from him since. HILFUCKINGLARIOUS! Not only did I wait over an hour for you the night before, I had to pay for my own food and now you want me to drive clear across town to pick you up and then split groceries with you, that I'm going to have to cook. Oh, and obviously I'll have to drive him home and some point. He must be outta his damn mind. I have a feeling that if he text me again, Verizon towers will be down on my end and his text will get lost in space cause I sure as hell am not texting him back. He can go back to where he came from.

I know I can't judge the next guy by the last guy but I get all excited to go out and meet people and then I put myself out there and I immediately get screwed over and it seems to be the same bullshit. They are late or they can't pay or shit some of them don't even have cars. This last guy is a athelete and I know his ass has got some money. I just don't get when men became so fucking cheap. Are they not getting life lessons from their parents? Is it that now we're in 2009 almost that society is teaching men they don't have to pay anymore and to treat women with such disrespect? Anyone that knows me knows I'm not all about money and being showered with gifts from men but, damn you can't even pay for our first meal or take me to a movie, it's a wrap on my end. I'm not 21 anymore and just going to stick around and cater to your every need. I'm a grown ass women and I deserve to be treated as such. I don't know ... may be I need to start setting some standards before I even accept the offer of going out with men. I don't want to be that bitter woman that says she's done with men or I'm going to become a lesbian. I truly believe there are good men out there but I just don't know how much more I can take being treated like an ATM machine.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


I haven't worked since July 24, 2008 when I lost my job for unknown reasons. I have been on unemployment since and I have one to two weeks left to receive benefits and then I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I applied to five jobs today and I even had an interview. I'm praying that I get a second interview soon. It's a job that I think I could like working for brokers and doing real estate documents. I'm so scared that I won't get a job in time and I may lose everything I have. I can't believe I've been off work for six months now.

All I know is that I'm terrified.